Here I am staring at the ceiling. Thinking about change. If there is one thing I have a love hate relationship with it is "change". You see I am very comfortable with where I am right now in life. I have a great marriage, 4 healthy fun loving kids and our family is a strong unit. I also am comfortable with my weight. Ok so maybe not so comfortable but it is familiar. I have been this same weight for 10 years. The same weight for as long as I can remember. But this weight is tearing me down and tearing my body apart. My weight is killing my knees and putting undo needed stress on my heart and other body organs. SO CHANGE IS A MUST!!
Now here is the problem....I have "changed" my life so many times. Diet after diet and although I succeed in losing a few pounds sometimes up to 25 I always seem to gain it back and then some. Most of the time I start losing weight, start feeling positive like I can do this, I can get to my goal weight and then somehow I end up sabotaging my efforts and give up.
Already even talking about it now I am already thinking ok, you are going to try this again...wonder how long you will stick to it before you quit. I know this is not how I should even be thinking before I start a life change again!
But this time is different. I have to do it I have to get control of my emotional eating and baggage. Yes I am a Christian but that doesn't mean that I am perfect and therefore should not be made to feel as if I should be. I am thankful that my Heavenly Father is one that is a God of second and third and forth (and so on) chances.
I am going to start a new chapter in my life. I have been trying to cut back on a lot of things and feeling like I am not making any head way. SO I decided that I need to just start eating healthier and not be crazy about what I am eating but when, why and how much I am eating. Now seriously I am starting full force tomorrow on low fat diet. Now that doesn't mean I won't occasionally eat ice cream when I am craving it but instead of a large bowl I have a small dish I plan to use for instances like that.
I know that with God's help I can and will succeed. In the past I have expected everything to be within a week. Well through this whole knee surgery recovery I have learned quite a bit about the process. There is always a process to healing. My knee has gone through many stages of healing from the outward skin healing, to the deep tissues and bone healing. Next week I start a new stage of healing and that is with the assistance of my physical therapist, Cindy. You see Monday will be 6 weeks post op for me. YEA! It means my knee is going to be allowed and demanded to start bending. Now I have bent my knee a little the last few days. Just to see if its going to hurt. I expect that Cindy will push it during her initial eval to get an accurate starting point to compare to for the next few weeks and to set weekly goals.
Well that is what I plan to do too. I have set a major goal...lose 150 lbs. But what I am focusing on is smaller goals such as my first goal is to lose 25 lbs. When I reach that goal I will reevaluate and decide then what my next goal will be right now I am thinking concentrate on just 25 at a time. But I also have other areas to concentrate on...the PROCESS! I have to journal when, what and why I am eating. I know I am an emotional eater. That is a HUGE statement for me. I never wanted to admit that. But its the process. There are small things that need to be changed (healed) such as my mental status, self esteem, goal setting, facing the hurts and disappointments and writing them down. I have to install exercise. Now I can't do much right now but I will be doing my PT exercises and I think that is a grand start. I have to change what I eat. I know how my body responds to different foods. So I am going to be cutting the salt and eating a low fat diet. Just what the doctor ordered....ok so I haven't exactly seen a doctor about my weight lately but this is what my orthopedic doc suggested. So I will follow his direction and the leading of the Holy Spirit to teach me what I should and should not be eating.
So I plan to post weekly on how I am doing. I am determined and I know that God is on my side on this. I am His creation, His spirit lives inside of me and I am the temple of the Holy Spirit and I have not taken care of the body God has given me. I must correct that problem with His leading and guidance. So if you want to support me on this I would gladly accept the encouragement and accountability. I would greatly appreciate your prayers.
But what I do not need or want is a negative attitude or a gauntlet of advice of what and how I am doing things wrong. I am going to follow what I believe is God's leading and do what I must do to lose this weight. Statistics say that if you lose just 10% of your weight that it increases your life span and does wonders for your health. (not sure this is the right % but it is close I believe).
Small steps forward and I am not looking back at past failures this time. Putting one step in of the other.....
By the way the saying on the butterfly picture is below:
"Change is the essence of life. Be willing to surrender what you are, for what you could become".