Mar 29, 2008

Happy Birthday Jaron!

I can't believe it!~ My baby is 8 years old!
Will someone please tell me how time flies so fast? It seems like only yesterday we was learning to walk with the aid of our dog Katie. It was so cute, he would hold on to her collar and she would just stand there while he took steps. She was always so gentle with him. Katie took to Jaron like Jaron took to her.

Since Sean has to work today we celebrated
Jaron's birthday on Thursday. We took him to his favorite place to eat...Cracker Barrel. You thought I was going to say
Mc Donalds didn't you! Then we came home to celebrate with ice cream cake and gifts. He was so excited about getting his gifts early.

My Jaron is growing up. He loves to listen to music and this summer is going to learn to play the guitar. He is so excited about this! I haven't seem him this excited in a while. He also wants to learn to play the drums. Not sure how we can teach him that since neither of us can play them. But what a difference it would make during our church services if he could play. Definitely something we will work towards and encourage him in.
Anytime Jaron's name is brought up at school all we hear is how great he is with Kristofer and with Eli and Sara. All the teachers praise him as do the OT, Speech therapist and even the principle. His Sunday school teacher, Ms Kathy just loves him and appreciates his willingness to help and learn. He makes us very proud.

Jaron is a great big brother! He does help alot with them. Just yesterday he was teaching Eli how to catch and throw a baseball and football. He loves his baby sister too. Although he likes to aggravate her till she screams her head off at him. I asked him why he does it and his response, " I like making her scream!"

Jaron is a good student. He loves going to school but hates the homework. Which I think all kids hate. He is a smart kid and learns things very quickly. He barely ever studies and still gets good grades. I have told him if he would study more he would get more 100% on his work. His response, "Why do I need that I just need a A not a 100%."

He loves to draw and has recently started writing his own stories and illustrating them. He gets it from his father, the writing I think but I love writing too. He has a wild imagination and comes up with some of the funniest stories. But I love it. He told us his first story when we was just three about a butterfly. I have it written down in his baby book that is stored away right now.

Jaron is one special kid and I love him so much. He is a lot like my dad, with his stubbornness but also his body structure. In fact my dad calls him Macky Peyton after himself. Jaron loves my dad and mom too. He has a great relationship with them and for that I am so thankful!

Jaron took his first communion on Easter. We were so excited for him. He finally is old enough to fully understand what communion is and why we take it. He loves the Lord and has a faith that surpasses anyone I know. When he prays he believes it will come to pass, its just that simple. It's too bad that we all aren't more like him when it comes to praying. When was little he prayed for a baby sister. Every night we would say our prayers and he would say, "and God give me a little sister." One night he prayed, "God give me another little brother too." Not long after that about a month or so we found out that not only was God answering his prayer for a sister but also for that little brother all at the same time. DON'T under estimate the power of a child's prayer!

Jaron today is your day! Happy Birthday buddy!
I know God has some awesome plans for you and
I am glad I get to watch those plans unfold as you grow up.

We love you!!
Mom and Dad

Mar 28, 2008

"I can shoot water out the hole!"

This was Kristofer's response to losing his first tooth last night! He was so excited! It was very late, 11:30 and he was still up. We had a terrible thunder and lightning storm so he was curled up next to me in bed. I simple asked him if his tooth was still wiggly and he proceeded to wiggle it right out. He was so excited he wanted to wake everyone up. His first thoughts were, I have to call Granma Dede...he settled on calling her this morning.
Sad thing is we were not money from the tooth fairy to give. So this morning when he looked under his pillow and the tooth was still there he had the saddest face I have ever seen. I quickly told him the tooth fairy could not find the tooth cause he wasn't sleeping on his own pillow. Sean ran to the bank, I told the boys to hide their eyes or go back to sleep or the tooth fairy would not make an emergency tooth call. It worked! Kris was elated to find $5 under his pillow. Normally we give less but this was his first tooth and he was so brave. Normally the sight of blood would send him into orbit specially his own blood. The strangeness of a hole in his once perfect smile is something he has taken too. He told me this morning, "Mommy my mouth feels weird!"
Now had this been Jaron we would have just told him we will give him his tooth fairy money later. You see Jaron decided when he was 5 that there was no Santa or tooth fairy...we have never pretended there is a Easter Bunny. Does he feel left out, not exactly...he loves pretending with the others and even gets a kick out of their excitement. He has always been one to want the truth. Which is fine with me...eventually the other three will realize that we are Santa and the tooth fairy.

Mar 27, 2008


Ok before my family flips out I better clarify the title. I did not crash and neither did Sean or the kids. Our lovely, fun loving computer has crashed! Thank goodness we purchased Sean's laptop last month. It is a true blessing to have not only for him but to me as well. It has kept me company when I have been resting in bed due to the surgery.

This is the third time that the wonderful machine has crashed. The first time it did this was in Oct of 2003. Yes I remember the date because Sean was in Honduras on a missions trip, I was very pregnant at the time (w/the twins but didn't know it) and I was panicking because I had my mothers business banking info on my computer...I was in charge of computing the paychecks! Oh that was not fun! My computer was down for 2 weeks. I had to wait for the HP System Recovery disks. Which thankfully I kept!

Here is the biggest problem when a computer crashes! YOU LOSE EVERYTHING!!! Now unless you are able to work around it and save the computer then you basically up a creek! The last time (3 yrs ago) I lost a years worth of pictures, all of the baby pictures of the twins. Thankfully I have some great friend that had saved them from emails I had sent so I was able to recover a few that we had not printed.

So this time my pictures are saved...hahaha computer I was smart this time! Actually I was thinking this was going to happen. We have been having major issues with the computer. I have installed virus protection and cleaned out 8 viruses in the last month. It has been sputtering, freezing and just not working proficiently. WHAT A PAIN! So on Sunday I spent all afternoon saving pictures onto a flash card. I was able to save all but what has been taken since Jan of this year. What is nice is that some of those pictures I have posted on here so I can go back to save them and when I get a new flash card I can add those new ones. HAHA computer I got smart! smart!

Here is what is interesting....when you have to do a system recovery process to your computer it is like starting over! You lose all the stuff you have down loaded and and saved in memory good and bad. Well when you accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior you too are being covered by the most powerful system recovery (Jesus' blood). All the yuck is washed from your slate and you are given a new life to start. Unlike the computer your good and bad memories are not washed from memory but they are covered by the blood. When you stand before God on judgement day can you say I have been washed by the Blood of Jesus!? Do you need a system recovery and a new slate to start on? It's super simple...Just believe with your heart that Jesus is the Son of God and that He died and rose again 3 days later for your sins. He shed His blood to create a bridge between you and God.

Just pray... Jesus I am confessing today that I believe You are the Son of God. Fully human and fully God. I believe you died an innocent death and just as promised are alive and sitting at the right hand side of God. Jesus I know that I have sinned and am not walking in Your truth. Please forgive me of my sins, wash me clean and set my feet on solid ground. Please help me to know Your truth. I love you Lord! ~ Amen

Now go find a Bible believing church, start attending services and get involved. If you have a Bible start by reading the new testament if not go purchase a Bible. Trust me you have just started on "the" adventure of your life!

Mar 23, 2008

Happy Easter!

Today has been an eventful day! Up early with the boys digging into their baskets..fraggles, chocolate and punch balloons. Then everyone was racing around getting ready for church. Off to church...which by the way Sean preached like I have never heard him preach. Very proud of him! Great message too! Had a friend take a few pictures of us as a family and then back home. Once home Sean changed and then went out to hide eggs. We had 3 doz eggs and made it back in with 35 and then the neighbor kids found the last one and brought it in. I think it is the first time we came back in with the same amount we took out.
We have had a great day. Later this eveing we will have our Easter Dinner. It is cooking now...yummm. The family picture was taken by our friend Kathy and then our friend Angie did some picture doctoring and added the frame and background. We had just a plan white background that did not due our family justice. Thanks Angie you did a great job! A few of the others are of the kids finding eggs. Have a blessed and relaxing Easter Sunday and remember Jesus is alive!

Sara w/ her pretty yellow dress her Papaw Mac picked out!

Running to find the eggs...
Eli & Sara searching together!
Hey I found an egg! Eli shouts!
In the background what is left of the swingset!

Mar 21, 2008

Made "New Again"

Today is Good Friday. I am so thankful for what my Jesus did for me so long ago. He touches my heart everyday and gently guides me when I have decisions to make. The biggest decision I have ever made was accepting Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. NO my life has not been all happy and a garden of roses. Remember every rose as thorns! I challenge you to just try God! He will radically change your life if you truly seek Him and follow His teachings in the Bible. I can't promise that everything will be pleasant and cheery but I can tell you if you place your trust in Jesus that you will have peace that passes all understanding through the toughest times. I have and I know this from experience. Today I plan to just go spend time at the alter, pray, sing some praise songs and then sit and wait on the Lord. Later this evening we are having family communion for the church, we look forward to serving communion to the members of our church and praying with for them. Take time to think about what to day means!

Mar 19, 2008

Extreme Mothering by Mary Steinke

This is an article that I received today from Hearts at Home Newsletter. If you want to check out their website I will include the link. This site is not just for stay at home moms. It is a Christian Organization that celebrates motherhood. The articles and newsletter always lift me up and encourage me as a mom.
I hope you enjoy the article as much as I did this morning!

Motherhood often seems just like spring. It's a season of extremes. During a spring day, it can be freezing, raining, blowing and sunny--all in an hour. Mothers can be yelling, crying, pleading, and cuddling--all in a matter of minutes.Extreme mothering begins with the "extreme" wait. We wait, filled with impatience, for that once-in-a-lifetime call from the adoption agency or we count the days until our due date. We wait to witness our baby's first step. We wait to see if the preschooler will ever stay dry.We long to hear our elementary child read aloud with fluency as they master their first reader. We hold our breath as we listen to our children recount their first day of junior high. We pray constantly throughout high school as our children begin to drive and date.Then, we wait to hear how they're really doing in college or in their first apartment.

As moms, we also plan in extremes. One minute we've got all our ducks in a row. The next, our children moved every duck until nothing is going according to our perfect plan--today, this week, this month or this year. We live every day of mothering activating Plans B, C, D and E. We may even plan for an extreme, fun-filled Easter ending up with everyone too sick for one bite of Easter candy.

Extreme mothering also shows up in our emotions. We whisper under our breath that we won't live through one more day of a particular childhood stage. A few months later, tears well up remembering that our children will never be that little again.Some days we're angry with their willful behavior. By the next day, we're so proud of them that we send out a press release to family and friends.

But the ultimate extreme found in mothering involves compassionate, zealous, sacrificial love for our children. There's a she-bear inside us ready to lay down our lives to protect our cubs. We adore and protect our children to the extreme--beyond distraction, distance or empirical data.

This compassionate, no-holds-barred kind of parental love is celebrated on Easter. The perfect heavenly parent sent a perfect son into a totally imperfect world to save totally imperfect people--by sacrificing the life of his son.

Today people still give up the lives of their beloved children to save the lives of others. A few years ago, I read a story in a national news magazine about two sets of parents--one whose son needed a heart transplant and the other whose son died and donated his heart.The mother of the son who donated his heart held the son who lived and breathed. In the chest of this healthy baby boy beat her dead son's heart--still alive, still thumping--although he died. I can't imagine the poignant pain, yet agonizing joy, of holding someone else's son whose healthy, pounding heart belonged to the son I lost.

Asking Jesus into our hearts is like what happened between these two mothers. At the time of death, one mother willingly gave up her son's heart so it could beat in another. It's as though our father in heaven did exactly the same thing. God looked down knowing that this totally imperfect mom was worth the suffering and death of his one and only son. He placed the heart of his son into me so that I might live. Simply put, God replaced my dying heart with the living heart of Christ. His son died so that I will live eternally.The Bible says: "This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ gave up his life for us." 1 John 3:16.That's a supreme extreme of a parent's love to give up the life of a beloved child to save the life of another.

Why not ask God today for the living heart of his son to replace your own dying heart so you, too, will live eternally?And have a happy extreme Easter--no matter what the weather or too much candy might bring!

Mary Steinke

Mary speaks at retreats and moms groups, teaches Bible studies, writes many Hearts at Home newspaper articles, and serves on the Publishing Team for Hearts at Home. Before children, she worked in full-time ministry as chaplain in such diverse settings as nursing homes and prisons. Mary resides in Normal, Illinois, with her husband, Harry, and three sons.

Mar 18, 2008

Chris Tomlin - How Can I Keep From Singing

This song is how I feel today!!!



When you type in freedom and do a word search the images that come up are of the American flag, Statue of Liberty, posters of anti-slavery, freedom of speech and religion, broken chains and eagles soaring over mountain ranges. What I did not find is my type of freedom.

The freedom to walk without a brace! I still have to walk with crutches but no more brace! Yes today is a brand new day for me. I am so excited. Dr Morgan gave me great news. Everything is healing perfectly. So now I can start walking and he wants me to start riding the stationary bike not only during PT but also 30 mins a day twice a day to help with my range of movement. I am now 8 weeks post op and free. I am allowed to drive around the neighborhood to start with until I gain more strength in my knee and leg muscles.

Until you have relied on someone else to drive you around and or have been cooped up in a house do to having surgery and non mobility you have no idea what a breath of fresh air means. I am very happy!
In fact I just can't stop praise God for today!

I have posted a song from "How Can I keep From Singing " by Chris Tomlin...enjoy!

Mar 17, 2008

Check this out!

This is just awesome! This little girl is amazing!
I am not able set it up so you can just watch just click on the link and be amazed.

St Patty Day

Happy St. Pat's Day
Awesome Graphics and Myspace Layouts at

Mar 15, 2008

"A Person's A Person No Matter How Small"

What this clip from

This afternoon we took time as a family to go and enjoy a nice family movie and then to dinner. Naturally when you take the whole family the movie theater is the one place other than the amusement parks that can drain your pocket faster than you can fill it. But regardless of the cost I highly recommend taking your kids to see this wonderful adaptation of Dr. Seuss' story "Horton Hears a Who." Horton has always been one of my favorite characters that Dr. Seuss (Theodore Seuss Geisel) has ever created. Maybe its because Horton is an elephant and I love elephants or maybe it's just the message the stories he is involved in always have. Another favorite Horton story is "Horton Hatches the Egg."

So we took the kids tonight and they loved it. It was funny, sentimental and just fun to watch. I think the best part was near the end when the characters began to sing "can't Fight this Feeling Anymore" by Reo Speedwagon. It made me laugh so hard. If you were my roommate in college you would definitely understand why but for those that were not my roommate or just don't know the story behind the song I will explain.... Before Sean and I started dating, I had it bad for him! I mean I was beyond school girls crush. In the immortal words of Christy Cain, "You have fallen off the diving board into the deep end!" I was madly in love with him and he seemed to be oblivious. Needless to say there were many nights that Sean would leave the Chi Alpha house where myself and a few other girls lived those months I was pining for him, and I would come upstairs to one other girls teasing me by putting on this song..." I can't fight this feeling anymore, I've forgotten what I started fighting for..." It was all in good fun but I have to say back then that is how I felt for Sean. I still do! I love the man more every day!

But enough about me. The message of this story and now movie is one that is important for all kids including adult to hear. Horton repeats it a lot through out the movie, "A person's a person no matter how small!" This is so important for kids to hear. They hear way to often that they don't matter but they do. In fact Jesus even states, "Let the little children come unto me and do not forbid them; for of such is the kingdom of heaven!" (MATT 19:14) Even Jesus took the time to stop during his teachings to address the children. He took time to pray over them, had them come to him and He blessed each one. I work in our church as the children's pastor. Some would say that children's church is just a glorified baby sitting service and there is no need for churches to minister to the kids. Let me just tell you something, what I do on a weekly basis is NOT just a baby sitting service. I take time to pray and prepare my lessons. I pray for the kids and some of them have no one else praying for them. If Jesus saw the importance of ministering to the children then so must we.

On a personal not even if I was not somehow involved in children's ministry and we were searching for a church to call home the first thing we would look for other than Godly Biblical preaching is what does the church offer for my kids' spiritual growth. It is the responsibility of the parents to teach the children and model Godly examples for their kids and I firmly believe it has to start at home first. But I refuse to go to a church that has nothing for my kids as well. So many times I have heard this phrase, "well I never had children's church and I sat with my parents in service I am just fine spiritually." Well that may be all good and true for you but if it was not for children's church and a church that understood the importance of ministering to the kids I would not be here. It was because of children's church and a bus ministry that I started going to church and I got saved at a young age. My parents started attending shortly after all because a family relative, my cousin Sarah Downing and her late husband, Robert would pick me up and take me to church with them.

Children's church is so important. Ministering to children is an example that Jesus shared with us. He stated "Let the children come to me..." I am sure He would agree with the statement, "A person's a person no matter how small!"

Mar 12, 2008

My Man!

Today is my man's birthday! Yes it's Sean's birthday and do I dare share his age...yes! He is 48 today. About 18 years ago, I was part of a youth group at Venice A/G. Denis and Christy Cain were the youth leaders then. I remember one night they separated the group and Christy shared that we should write down what we wanted in a spouse. I did that and as the years passed my list changed and grew and changed some more. Basically this is what I wanted:

What I want in a husband

He has to be 10 years older than me


Dark Hair and brown eyes

Must put God first above all else

Must serve in the church

Be honest and faithful

Be able to sing or play an instrument

I want someone that is strong in his faith and knows where to go when in need

Someone that wants a family and his family is important to him

Can make me laugh

Has a job and isn't afraid to do work at any job presented to him to provide for

his family

Puts God first, me second, kids then job

Be good looking

someone who is affectionate

These were just a few of what I be honest I got them all except the brown eyes! See when you place your future in God's hands He is faithful to complete! He is also concerned with what you need and want and He will give you much more than what you ask for and that is also what I got!

Today is Sean's birthday. I am so thankful that God brought him into this world! I am so blessed to have him as my husband! He is everything and more than anything I could have ever fathomed of having as a husband. He makes me proud to be called his wife.

Today, Sean I pray God will bless you abundantly, anoint you with Holy Ghost fire and that He will increase your territory. I pray that He will pour into you as you pour into others. May you be used as a match to light the fire of God in others. May God reach deep inside of you to the uttermost and breathe new and fresh life into your soul. May He open the gates of Heaven and pour blessings of health, provision and wisdom into your life. Let it be so much that it spills over into others lives.

Happy Birthday Sean!

I love you baby!

Eagles Wings

This is my prayer, tonight make this your prayer!

Jason McElwain ~ Greatest Basketball Story Ever

How inspirational!!!

Mar 10, 2008

"Back to the way it is suppose to be!"

The title of this post says it all!
Saturday was such an interesting day. First off the night before we got about 4 inches of snow and I was expecting the kids to all be up early racing to get out in the snow. Instead the were racing to my room to see who would play the playstation first. Which turned into an argument. I kept begging them to go somewhere else, reminding them that on Sunday we were going to lose an hours sleep due to daylight savings time. Which I think is a complete waste of an hour. I mean honestly how much electric do you save a day!?
So instead of sleeping in which I had hoped to do I was up at 8 am with 4 kids arguing about who was going to play first. I tried drowning out the noise by taking a shower and singing loudly. Normally that will get the kids out instead Sara came in the bathroom and started singing with me. If I stopped she yelled "don't stop mommy!" Anyway after my shower I did just as a planned...the scale and I became one. I have to tell you on Sat. I very much liked the scale. I lost 3 lbs! YEA! That was my goal for the week so that was exciting to me! Now just 22 more to reach my first big goal of 25.
Needless to say the day passed and the kids never did go out in the snow. They complained about it melting and not being able to play in it on Sunday though. Anyway the title of this post is a quote from Kristofer. Kristofer likes everything to be the same. He can handle small changes and even large ones as long as he has been forewarned. We don't have a set routine but he does in his mind and he really doesn't like to deter from it. Anyway one of his favorite dinners is Jack Pizza made by Kraft. Easily found in the freezers at Wal-Mart, Kroger and even Publix. I heated one up with extra cheese just like the kids like. Handed out their dinner plates and here is where things started to deteriorate in our home. Kristofer accidentally placed his plate on the edge of the table. Not realizing it till it was too late, it fell flat on the floor. Cheese stuck to carpet is not fun to clean up!
Needless to say Kristofer fell into pieces and tears. He was so upset that his perfect 2 pieces of pizza was now on the floor. He kept repeating "my perfect 2 pizzas". I was able to get him to take another one but he would have to wait for more because I had to heat up another one. He took it reluctantly but kept saying I need my 2 pizzas. Once the 2nd pizza was ready and I was able to give him 2 pieces that is when he looked at me smiling and said, "I'm back to the way it is suppose to be!" Now anyone else would wonder what that means but for us we understand that it meant he had his 2 perfect pieces of pizza. This is how it is with Kristofer. He likes things in twos when it comes to food on his plate on most occasions. Many times he will have already decide what he would like to have for dinner and how it much look on the plate. If it doesn't meet his expectations he will either demand a new plate or rearrange his own. Just so you know we do not give into his demands but tell him to rearrange it. Occasionally we will if its just a matter of handing him a new plate but usually we tell him to take care of it himself.

This brings me to today's problem. Our school is small and so Jaron and Kris are able to play with each other at recess and sit with each other at lunch. Next year Jaron will be in 3rd grade and their recess and lunch times will be different. With this knowledge Kristofer's OT is trying to get Kris to sit with his classmates for lunch so that the transition to next years schedule will not be so hard on him. Well today the lunch ladies tried to do this without success. Sean brought Sara and Eli to school and found Kristofer hysterically crying in the hall. The separation was not a good thing today. Once he got him calmed down his teacher, Ms Robertson, who is a doll and I just love her and how she handles Kris, allowed him to finish his meal in the classroom. Thank you Ms Roberston! So Sean spoke with her after school and we think it is a wiser decision to have the OT present when they try this again. If it just does not prove to be a good thing then we will push for it to stop. Jaron doesn't mind sitting with Kris and Kris needs his brother right now. Next year the school year will start and Kris will not have a choice. It seems to work better for him if he has to handle transitions all at once and we think it might be better this way...New school year, new teacher and new lunch time routine. We will see how this pans out....

But for now "its the way it is suppose to be!"

Mar 8, 2008

What a week!

As weeks go this week has gone by fast and slow at the same time. It started Monday with PT and starting the knew exercises to bend my knee. The first few days were great. A little sore but expected. Then on Thursday I got my knee to flex to a 80-90 degree bend and that was fantastic! Very excited about that!
Thursday night last week Sean and i were up all night with Kris throwing up. Well last night, again on a Thursday night, I was up with Jaron doing the same thing. But to top it off not only was I up with him every 20-35 mins. I was in pain. My knee is killing me!
Today I can barely do the exercises. The knee is extremely protesting! I am having to use my other foot to push and pull the knee to just get it to bend. Now before you write and tell me I over did it let me tell you my goal set but the PT is to get to 90 degrees flexion. I was told to expect this. I was also told to expect to take a few bends (steps) forward and a few back. Just didn't want to end my week and start the weekend in pain again, specially with Sean working straight through the weekend and doesn't get a day off till Tuesday. I will have no chance to rest it.
I am doing pretty good with my new eating habits. I have been faithful to count my calories and actually take time to see the serving size and measure the cals and the fat grams. I am pleased with how I have done. I think I will definitely plan out the dinner meals more for next week so I have a better idea of what I need Sean to get at the grocery store though. I did cheat and get on the scale a few times this week. I have bounced between 1-3 lbs loss. Tomorrow is my actual day to weigh in. I plan to weigh in in the morning after my shower. Then I am pushing the scale under my dresser and there it shall stay till next Sat. Watching the scale is one of the many things that sets me up to fail. I have no self control when it comes to weighing myself every day.
So my goals for this week are to not touch the scale for a week and concentrate on serving sizes at dinner and eating only till I am full. I also want to concentrate on setting up an exercise routine that goes along with my PT and making it a set time of day. I am suppose to do the PT 3 times a day so if I incorporate the other exercises in with it I am bound to start seeing a difference. I feel like I have lost at least 2 pounds. I know what does 2 pounds feel like? But a few of my shirts that have been tight are a little looser this week. So we will see what the scale has to say tomorrow. regardless I am determined not to base my success on the scale number but on how my eating habits are changing!

I am also basing my view about myself on how God views me...according to the word of God I am a precious jewel and a child of the King!

Good night everyone!

Mar 4, 2008


This pic is from a few weeks ago when we got hit hard with the ice storm.
It was so beautiful. I had not posted this one earlier.
The ice had started to melt and the suns refection off the ice
actually made the tree look like it was shinning!

This weekend we had absolutely beautiful weather! The kids spent two days outside riding bikes, playing super robots and in general just out of the house. I was even able to safely get to church which was such a blessing after not being able to go for 6 weeks.

Yesterday was my 6 week mark from my knee surgery. How time flies. I am learning more about processes and healing than I ever thought I would. Yesterday my physical therapist came to start the wonderful step of ROM! YEA I get to bend my knee now. I did pretty well too! I can start sitting in chairs with my leg bent instead of straight and stuck out in the air where it is a target for hitting. Although I am bending my knee now it is still stiff and tight, naturally after being straight for 6 weeks. Last night it was sore. Not exactly the knee but my calf and thigh muscles. It took me a while to fall asleep last night, which has not been uncommon the last few weeks.
Sleep seems to have eluded me. It could be because the twins are going through a stage of nightmares at night and wake up crying and needing Sean or I to sleep with, it could be because Kristofer is going through a separation thing at night and needs someone sleeping with him in most cases he wants to be with me, or it could be just because. Regardless it doesn't seem to matter when I go to sleep I will wake up and be awake for a few minutes to a few hours. Or I just toss and turn. Part of it is due to my foot. When you do not use your feet for any length of time they seem to fall asleep. I have been told that will get better as more weight bearing is allowed.

SO I was talking about the 24 hours time we have gone from 74 degrees back to 32 and by Friday we will be in the 20s again. Spring needs to come fast! Although with the way our winter has gone this year spring may bring more than just showers! It may bring some not so nice weather our way. I have been told it is not normal to have tornado warnings in the winter and that it is a prelude to whats to come... not sure how true that is but going to Florida would be a great spring break bad I am not allowed to travel or drive right now.
I so want to go to Florida to see my family and spend time at the beach. I am tired of the cold weather.

After all the snow and cold this is where we want to be for a week or so...

Venice Beach Florida!

Mar 1, 2008

Change is needed!

Here I am staring at the ceiling. Thinking about change. If there is one thing I have a love hate relationship with it is "change". You see I am very comfortable with where I am right now in life. I have a great marriage, 4 healthy fun loving kids and our family is a strong unit. I also am comfortable with my weight. Ok so maybe not so comfortable but it is familiar. I have been this same weight for 10 years. The same weight for as long as I can remember. But this weight is tearing me down and tearing my body apart. My weight is killing my knees and putting undo needed stress on my heart and other body organs. SO CHANGE IS A MUST!!

Now here is the problem....I have "changed" my life so many times. Diet after diet and although I succeed in losing a few pounds sometimes up to 25 I always seem to gain it back and then some. Most of the time I start losing weight, start feeling positive like I can do this, I can get to my goal weight and then somehow I end up sabotaging my efforts and give up.

Already even talking about it now I am already thinking ok, you are going to try this again...wonder how long you will stick to it before you quit. I know this is not how I should even be thinking before I start a life change again!
But this time is different. I have to do it I have to get control of my emotional eating and baggage. Yes I am a Christian but that doesn't mean that I am perfect and therefore should not be made to feel as if I should be. I am thankful that my Heavenly Father is one that is a God of second and third and forth (and so on) chances.

I am going to start a new chapter in my life. I have been trying to cut back on a lot of things and feeling like I am not making any head way. SO I decided that I need to just start eating healthier and not be crazy about what I am eating but when, why and how much I am eating. Now seriously I am starting full force tomorrow on low fat diet. Now that doesn't mean I won't occasionally eat ice cream when I am craving it but instead of a large bowl I have a small dish I plan to use for instances like that.

I know that with God's help I can and will succeed. In the past I have expected everything to be within a week. Well through this whole knee surgery recovery I have learned quite a bit about the process. There is always a process to healing. My knee has gone through many stages of healing from the outward skin healing, to the deep tissues and bone healing. Next week I start a new stage of healing and that is with the assistance of my physical therapist, Cindy. You see Monday will be 6 weeks post op for me. YEA! It means my knee is going to be allowed and demanded to start bending. Now I have bent my knee a little the last few days. Just to see if its going to hurt. I expect that Cindy will push it during her initial eval to get an accurate starting point to compare to for the next few weeks and to set weekly goals.

Well that is what I plan to do too. I have set a major goal...lose 150 lbs. But what I am focusing on is smaller goals such as my first goal is to lose 25 lbs. When I reach that goal I will reevaluate and decide then what my next goal will be right now I am thinking concentrate on just 25 at a time. But I also have other areas to concentrate on...the PROCESS! I have to journal when, what and why I am eating. I know I am an emotional eater. That is a HUGE statement for me. I never wanted to admit that. But its the process. There are small things that need to be changed (healed) such as my mental status, self esteem, goal setting, facing the hurts and disappointments and writing them down. I have to install exercise. Now I can't do much right now but I will be doing my PT exercises and I think that is a grand start. I have to change what I eat. I know how my body responds to different foods. So I am going to be cutting the salt and eating a low fat diet. Just what the doctor ordered....ok so I haven't exactly seen a doctor about my weight lately but this is what my orthopedic doc suggested. So I will follow his direction and the leading of the Holy Spirit to teach me what I should and should not be eating.
So I plan to post weekly on how I am doing. I am determined and I know that God is on my side on this. I am His creation, His spirit lives inside of me and I am the temple of the Holy Spirit and I have not taken care of the body God has given me. I must correct that problem with His leading and guidance. So if you want to support me on this I would gladly accept the encouragement and accountability. I would greatly appreciate your prayers.
But what I do not need or want is a negative attitude or a gauntlet of advice of what and how I am doing things wrong. I am going to follow what I believe is God's leading and do what I must do to lose this weight. Statistics say that if you lose just 10% of your weight that it increases your life span and does wonders for your health. (not sure this is the right % but it is close I believe).
Small steps forward and I am not looking back at past failures this time. Putting one step in of the other.....

By the way the saying on the butterfly picture is below:
"Change is the essence of life. Be willing to surrender what you are, for what you could become".