Diagnosis Given

Yesterday was the big day for our family. We finally have clarity with Kristofer.

Not really a surprise, we have suspected it for a while now. But the reality of it is overwhelming. Has it changed anything NO! We just now have a clear understanding as to why Kristofer is the way he is. Having the diagnosis will help in school. It gives us a place to start. Did I want this diagnosis, no - not at all. But it does validate all of my thoughts and feelings about what we have been dealing with. In our case I can honestly say that I DO NOT feel that it was caused by vaccines. The signs were there before he ever had the MMR vaccination. Our pediatrician at the time just was not, hmmmm, how to put this nicely....uhm aware of and did not listen to us. I'll admit that I did not push hard about it till he was 3 and we really started seeing how different Kris was from other children. Up until that point we just kept thinking it was his ears.

It's been a long road to get to this point. His behavior in the beginning was blamed on the never ending ear infections he had. Then one summer right after he had turned three our dear friends, Mike and Marty Short, came to visit us. They had just been given the diagnosis of autism with their oldest child. We asked them to watch Kristofer and tell us what they thought. Honestly, Marty had told me to read "The Out of Sync Child" about Sensory Process Disorder. I did but only so I could understand a little bit of what her son was dealing with. I refused to accept that Kristofer was dealing with those same issues that spring. But by summer and listening to what they had to say, listening to Mike (who is a special ed teacher) we decided to start pushing for help. When I approached our pediatrician I told her everything I knew at the time about SPD. She looked like a deer in headlights! No kidding here. She had never heard of it, but I continued to press for a referral. She sent us to a Behavioral Therapist. We started "play therapy" where the therapist worked on behavior modification. I kept asking her if she thought he was autistic but I never would get a straight answer. She referred Kris for occupational and speech therapies. So we started those. We began to see big changes in him. The behavioral therapy honestly helped us more than him, teaching us how to deal with and redirect his behavior.

When Kris was four and had been in therapy for a year I asked the therapists to be honest with me about whether he was autistic or not. They said they weren't sure but he did show signs and it could just be the SPD he was dealing with. So we enrolled him into pre-K at the therapy center. That fall we accepted the pastorate here in Illinois. Before moving Kristofer came down with a terrible ear infection. So we headed to the doctor, during that visit I was told they had finally (after a year) read the reports they had been sent from the OT, Speech and Behavioral Therapists. She was going to refer him to a pediatric specialist to be evaluated for possible autism. But we would never have been able to do it because we were moving in two weeks. The wait to see this specific doctor was 3-6 months. So we moved to IL, got Kristfoer enrolled into pre-K through the school since he had an IEP already. We began asking questions about having him evaluated. The school was reluctant because they were not seeing issues with him in Kindergarten. He was just a quiet boy, who stayed to himself. We knew different, something was amiss with our little guy.

So at the end of the school year after finding a family doctor that agreed with us, we started the process of finding out what exactly he has been dealing with. We truly believe God placed us in IL not only for ministry but also specifically for Kristofer. SIU has a wonderful research program that is connected to the Autism Program of Illinois. The center offers therapy services as well as a resource room for parents; with books, videos, computer programs that can help you create a variety tools to work with your child. For this I am so grateful to be living here in IL! So now that we have clarity and have given the full report to those that needed it in the school system, we feel like now we have the foundation on which to base his therapies and other helps at school on. We are not devastated by this diagnosis. Relieved but still overwhelmed with all the thoughts we have about Kristofer' future. We know God has a plan for his life. His Word tells us that, "He who began a ood work in you is faithful to complete it." God does not make mistakes, everything about God is perfect and Kristofer is one of His masterpieces that he is still working in and through. So we place our trust in a BIG GOD who has a plan for him and us.

I have to publicly say thank-you to all of my friends, family and "sistas -ya know who ya are!" for all the encouraging words yesterday and the last few weeks. It's nice to know we have a support system out there standing with us and praying for Kristofer and us.

Thoughts I'm grappling with....

Some of you may wonder where I have been the last few days. Some may not care where I have been. That's ok too! To be honest I have been grappling with what to write and if I should write. I have been grappling with if I am doing the right thing for Kristofer or not, as well. Some people when I tell them we are looking into evals for Kris to see if autism is a factor in his behavior look at me and say, "It's about time!" Other say, "He is fine, you just have to discipline more!" And still others say, " I am making up the behaviors and he is just fine!" It's the last two responses that really make me mad! They have no idea what it's like to live with a child like Kristofer. There are days that, "yes he seems like a normal little energetic boy" and then there are days that, "he seems to be somewhere else and you have to draw him into your world!" Many days it seems like the later.

Today was a mixed day. It was skate night at church so off we went to the skate rink. All of the kids grabbed a friend and off they were, having a blast! Kris loves skating and for not being the most balanced kid he does fantastic! But as I watched all the kids, he was alone most of the night unless Jaron went and got him. He pretty much skated alone to his own music in his head enjoying himself but alone. When I asked him if he had fun he said, "oh yes I like skating!" I asked him if he felt all alone since no one skated with him, he says " no, I like being alone, I don't have to talk to people then!" When he makes statements like that it breaks my heart. Yes I am happy that he is happy being alone but at the same time I wonder if he even understands what he is missing by "being alone".

I asked him once what his world is like, "its quiet!" was his response. He likes quietness, so do I but not all the time. He is a remarkable little boy! And so as I am filling out the GARS-2 assessment forms and filling out other forms for SIU I wonder what they will tell us about Kristofer. I know what the Bible tells us...He is wonderfully and marvelously made by the Creator of Heaven and Earth! He is our miracle and no matter what a piece of paper may say about him I know My God in Heaven has awesome plans for him! I hold on to those promises and will till they are completed in him.

Oh I should share, God has remarkably opened doors for us. Kris is being assessed for autism through the school district but is also going to be evaluated at SIU (Southern Illinois University) at their Autism research program! They also offer therapy services! We have been told that they are the top of notch when it come to this program in the state and in the nation. Whats better than that...the college is only 40 mins away! So God is working on behalf of our Kristofer! You see he is a child of the King of Kings and God's favor is upon our Kristofer! We hold fast to that and claim that for him!

SO that is what this momma of four is thinking and grappling about. Just trying to do my best for my boy and for his siblings as well. Man, motherhood sure is tough....to bad it doesn't come with some kind of written manual...oh yea...it does....it's called the BIBLE!

Knees .... very important body part!

Did you ever think about how much your knees mean to your body? Your feet too but this is about my knees. With out them you have no ability to stand, sit, climb, walk or run! I know this cause for four long months I have been in pain and now after having a TTT (Fulkerson Procedure) done this past Monday Jan 21, I am in even more pain!

I am looking forward to my goal of mobility so I can go forward in my quest to loose the extra weight my knees do not need to have against them anymore. The surgery was successful and despite the pain (drugs are great!) I know eventually all this shall too pass.

I started this post a few days ago. I just haven't had the energy to complete it so hopefully I will tonight. For those that care, knee surgery like mine HURTS!!! I have spent the last 8 days in pain. Yes I have pain meds and yes I take them religiously but I always end up in pain. I am sure that soon that will change (I HOPE) but let me tell you something...

When you have an extremity hurting and your body doesn't and your head says I want to go do something other than lie here it is an emotional roller coaster!That is what I feel like I am on this past week. One minute I am fine, pain free and happy then next I am crying, in pain and frustrated.

I have had some good progress this week. I reach my one week post op and I no longer have "blood rushes". Blood rushes are when you stand after having your leg elevated for a while and all the blood literally rushes to the incision site. Oh man does it hurt. How to explain it...hmmm...ah I know. Think of when your foot falls asleep after sitting on it for a while. The pins and needles feeling you get well think of that feeling and multiply it like Niagara Falls! It is terrible. I can compare it to the worse contraction you can think of just before delivering a baby! It is so painful!

Thankfully that has dulled and seems to be almost gone. Thankfully! Now I have the aching of my bone where it was chipped and then had screws put in. I know this is all part of surgery so don't write and say you knew this. Cause honestly I didn't know I would have this kind of pain.

Not only am I dealing with pain from inside the leg but the outside is terrible as well. My skin 2-3 inches surrounding the incision is highly sensitive to touch. Which makes it difficult to have the brace on. It feels like a terrible sunburn I had once and had to wear a shirt on. Just plain hurts. Thankfully I can undue the straps on the brace to let my skin breath. My incision is doing well. It is 6 1/2 inches long and has 26 staples that will be coming out on Feb 4th. I am looking forward to that day!

Personally this has been life changing. I completely get that my weight problem is a MAJOR problem. It has effected my life in more ways than one. Although my knee problem is not due to my weight, it is due to mal-tracking patella, my weight does effect my knee and mobility. I have already taken steps to cut my calories and as soon as I am able I plan to get as active as I am able to. Right now I am following my PT's orders and doing what I can to strengthen my leg as well as my opposite leg. I am doing all I can physically to be active. It takes everything I have to just walk around my bed and get into the wheel chair in the hall. No one understand the energy I expend when doing this other than my PT. She fulls appreciates my efforts. She has pushed me to increase the exercises she has given me but let me tell you its not easy.

I am amazed at how much strength I lost in just an hour of surgery. The night before the surgery I was fully able to do 3 reps of 30 per each exercise, now I am working to just hit a 1 rep of 10. It is difficult but I know I will get there and beyond.

Last night was the first in many months that I was actually able to get a good nights sleep. Amazingly I was able to get comfortable and sleep. I would not go as far as saying I was pain free cause had it not been for my pain meds I probably would not of been able to sleep at all. But it was a good nights sleep. I felt good all day till I did my PT. Then the pain started in and was very uncomfortable. Ice packs are my best friend right now.

Oh and I can't go on any farther without saying THANK YOU MOM AND DAD!!! Without their help last week I wold never had been able to have the surgery! They once again went above and beyond what needed to be done. Our kids loved having them here! (I will post a picture of all of them tomorrow). Also a huge thankful goes out to my loving and wonderful husband! he has been so loving, gentle and caring despite me biting his head off and yelling at him. He understands that I am in a great deal of pain. He is so good with the kids! He is doing a great job of caring for me and the kids as well as staying on top of the house work. I love him more every day and I can't thank God enough for placing such a wonderful man in my life! Without him I would not be able to handle any of this! I love you Seany!

So I hope to stay on top of the blogging from now on. I will try to post how I am doing daily and how I have improved or not daily. Please keep me in your prayers if you are reading this but also keep Sean in prayer just as much!

Barking Dog

Yesterday afternoon I took time to go over to the church and pray. I highly recommend going to the prayer time your church has to offer or take a lunch or dinner break and go spend time at your church at the altar and pray. There is just something about being at the altar and praying that makes a difference for me when I pray. Don't get me wrong praying during my quiet time is always good when I am not being interrupted by the kids, my husband or just family life stuff. Being at the altar is a special place for me. Anyway on Tuesday nights we have designated it as Praise n Prayer. Occasionally we have one other person that shows up besides ourselves. Yes that sounds bad and yes it does upset us that no one comes out. Does it shock us, not really we generally only have 10 people come out for mid week services. Our largest services are our Sunday morning and evening services.

Anyway, the last few months have been rather difficult on me personally. With my gall bladder surgery and my knee problems and now my surgery coming up on Monday I have just been in a funk mentally. So I went to spend time alone with God, just Him and me at the altar. It was so good. In fact I plan to go this afternoon before our midweek service just to pray and give God the praise He so deserves. But I have to tell you sometimes when you are at the altar its not always a nice feel good situation. Sometimes you get rebuked by the Lord and that doesn't always feel so good! That is what happened to me yesterday.

You see behind the parsonage and next to the church is another home and a caged, mean pit bull. Now please don't write me and tell me you own a pit bull and its a sweet loving dog. I know that all pits are not mean. But this one is and has attacked other dogs and has bitten at least one child. Why it has not been put down I don't know, but we are constantly stressing to our kids to stay away from the cage and they are basically scared to even be on that side of the back yard anyway. This dog does nothing but bark mostly at his shadow but he is always barking at something usually at 3 in the morning or some other odd hour of the night. Anyway, what God showed me was rather hard to accept but I realized He was right. You see while I was praying the dog started barking again. It was a distraction to me and it really was bothering me.

That is when the Lord showed me that my focus has not been on Him the last few months. I wanted to argue but realized it was the truth. He showed me that satan is just like that barking dog. He barks and barks and barks and instead of believing on the promises of God, praying and reading His word I have been letting the barking of satan dictate my life. You see satan does all he can to distract us by barking. Those barks (noise) can come in any form he can imagine and he is not that imaginative he uses the same tactics all the time. His favorites to distract me are: financial problems, health related problems, self esteem issues, my weight, past hurts, ect.

What God showed me is this: satan is going to keep barking!

We have to decide if we are going to listen to his lies

or are we going to listen to God's promises?

As for me I am taking a stand and plan to use God's word as ear muffs to block the barking of satan. I plan to stand on God's promises and not satan's lies. I am a child of the King of Kings, the Creator of all things, The Alpha and Omega. His Word tells me that the steps of a righteous man/woman are order by Him and as long as we are following Him and seeking after Him for direction then whatever comes our way is not a surprise to Him and we can rest assure that He has a plan to get us around, over or through the difficult times. Sometimes you have to walk through the fire - He will be there, you'll not be burned! Sometimes you have to walk through the waters (floods) - He will be there, you'll not be drowned! For He is always with His children!

There is a song we use to sing in church it goes a little like this:

Whose report will you believe?

I will believe the report of the Lord.

His report says I am healed,

His report says I am free,

His report says victory!

So who do you plan to believe today?

Do you plan to listen to the barking dog?

Or like me do you plan to listen to God's

promises and make your stand?

Thoughts on Surgery

Well I guess this says it all!

Actually this is as close as I could get to

what I will be looking like in two weeks.

In reality I have been on crutches for 4 months now,

since Aug 30, 2007 to be exact. It looks like I will

continue to be on crutches for at least another

10-12 weeks. UGH! Although the first 6-8 weeks I

will not be allowed to even put my toe down, which

should definitely make life interesting to say the least!

Let alone the pain I have been told to expect. Good

thing there are pain medicines in our world today!

So what have I learned so far about

my journey through knee pain...

1. Don't take your knees for granted.
2. Your knees are your mobility...the biggest part!

3. Sitting down and standing up is controlled by your knees!

4. Being over weight your whole life truly does affect

more than just yourself....it affects your family too!


Oh I am sure there are a lot more points I have learned

in the last 4 months and am about to learn in the next 4.

I am busy preparing my family and my house for

a huge change. God is definitely teaching me humility,

dependence on Him and others, and that I have no control

over anything. I can not control my environment and I can

not control the out come. What I can do is trust in the

Creator of the Universe and know that as long as I

live for Him and trust He knows what is best that I am

going to be fine. Peace comes from the Father above!

Yes I will be honest I am scared! Not really of the surgery,

but yes I'll admit it, what if I don't wake up...what if something

bad is found...what if the surgery doesn't help...what if....

I am nervous about the weeks following the surgery,

the pain, the rehab & the pain that comes with it.

I am nervous about how Sean will maintain our

household, work and still Pastor our church efficiently.

I am nervous about the kids and them not understanding

why Mommy can't get in bed "with them" or let them

sit on my lap, or that I can't give them their baths.

Well instead of concentrating on the "what ifs" I am going

to trust my judgement that I have been lead to and

I have chosen the best Doctor for this surgery and for me.

I am going to concentrate on getting better as soon as I can,

so I can start my new healthy life.

This has already changed my life!

I am going to concentrate this year on getting to a healthier weight

for my knees but mainly for my life. I want to be around when my

grandchildren are growing up. I truly do want to live my life

to its fullest and I have not done so in the last 37 years.

God is a God of mercy, grace, strength, and HE is my all in all!

Through Him I can and will accomplish my life goals,

be at a healthy weight and look fabulous!

I declare:

"This shall surely not be me in a year!"

Three Little Pigs...a lesson

I found this YouTube video by Chonda Pierce. All of her comedy is funny but I really thought this one was great! You have to watch the other video titled "My Mother Scares Me" before watching the following one. You can find both of these videos by clicking on the following link. Good stuff, funny stuff! Hope it lifts your spirit!


http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-6028448808111275872

Christmas Break starts early!

Today was suppose to be "my" big day! My day to just relax, get some much needed quiet time for me, a day of gift wrapping, studying for my big "preaching" moment on Sunday with Sean and talking with someone from the National Office about my ideas for clubs type activities for smaller churches.

THAT IS NOT WHAT HAPPENED!!!!

No instead Sean and I were up at 3 am with Sara, she was burning up and crying her head & tummy hurts. Take her temp to find its at 102.1 UGH! Why does she have a fever?? She just finished her antibiotics of Zithromax??!! Not no more than 10 mins. later I find myself sitting in the bath room with the hot water on full steam ahead! Eli is up coughing uncontrollably. I immediately think croup and there
we sat for 15 minutes. I had to open a window and the door a few times. The moisture was just too much. But it helped, he stopped coughing and was able to breath better. After giving him some cough medicine so he could rest I was back to Sara. I ended up sleeping with her and Sean was with Eli in our bed.

Needless to say I barely got anything done. Thankfully they both slept in and Sara continued to run a low grade fever. Eli has not coughed all day well until tonight. No fever just a runny nose...he has gotten Sara's cold...just in time for Christmas! Sara on the other hand played all day like nothing was wrong but once again her temp went up tonight. I know enough that this must be viral cause she has some strong antibiotics in her system right now. We will see how she is and I may have to call the doctor tomorrow again.

I am proud to say I did get my part of the sermon for our Christmas Candle Light Service done!!! YEA! Or at least the rough draft. Now I can go back and fine tune it with the Holy Spirit's help! Maybe tomorrow I can get some wrapping done....yea right!

I was not able to talk with the Nat. Office person due to her illness. It has been rescheduled for tomorrow. Which is better for me, now I can spend the morning fine tuning what I want to share with them...hopefully.

This weekend will be busy for us. Not only has the kids Christmas break officially started tonight but so has the last minute Christmas rush events for church. Today our church assisted the school with their Christmas Basket give away. Sean made some great contacts with some needy families in our community. We hope that we can continue to minister to them this coming year! It is an honor that the school would allow us to help them with this endeavour. Friday we have our "Christmas Blessings Baskets" to assembly at church and then deliver on Sat. morning. We have as of right now 10 families we intend to bless but it seems like the list keeps growing. I believe we are prepared for at least 2 more families for a total of 12 this Christmas. Sunday is our main Christmas service. Both Sean and I will be preaching that morning. I am looking forward to it. I don't normally get to share in the main service and for Sean to allow me this honor is exciting and a bit nerve wracking. I believe I have a message from the Lord for our congregation, I only hope they receive what I bring forth with the Lord's help. Then of course we have any final preparations for our family Christmas. Sean has to work Sunday over night and then also Christmas eve. Thankfully he does get Christmas off so we will have fun that morning.

We so wanted to be in Florida for Christmas. We even were planning to surprise my family....surprise family!!! BUT with my impending knee surgery we decided it would be better to use Sean's paid vacation and sick days for that time. SORRY GUYS!

There are so many thoughts going through my head. So much has changed this past year. Last year was the first Christmas break we have spent with out my neice and nephew! It was so crazy last year, we were still unpacking and getting things moving around here that we didn't have time to really think about it. This year is different. Even Jaron asked me today what Kaelyn and Brock were doing for Christmas break. I always enjoyed having them with us. I will miss that a lot this year!

Then of course we have the New Year approaching. Can you believe its actually going to be 2008?! Man I remember when I was a teen and would think when its 2008 I will be turning ..... ok I am proud to say I will be turning 38 this next year. But where has time flown?? I mean honestly Sean I will celebrate 11 yrs of marriage Jan 4th. So much has happened since we got married. It's just mind boggling!


New Year's resolutions......another blog I think all in itself. If you have started thinking about yours...I hope at the top of your list is this:

1. Got to Church more
2. Make a real commitment to Christ
3. Draw closer to Him

As for me the third on this short list is my top priority as for the rest....I am still contemplating that. I'll get back to you on that!

Ferret Fanatics

We have two wonderful little guys~even if they are theives!

Ferrets...

These two are so much fun!

Woody and Uno.

Woody is 2 years old and is the dark one and Uno is 1 yrs

old and is the white. They have completely different

personalities. Woody is a rambunctious adventurer who

isn't afraid of anything or anyone. He loves to play hide and

seek with anything he can steal as well as play chase

with the kids. Many times the kids will chase him

and as soon as they stop he turns and attacks chasing

them right back down the hall.

Uno, is the more loving and quiet type. He loves to be held

and loved on. He also loves to play and hide under covers

or in my cabinets or under anything he can squeeze

his fat little body under. He too likes to play chase

with the kids but would much rather lay in your arms.

The other night we let them run free in the house and we

had so much fun watching and laughing at them. I am a

animal lover. If I could I would have two of everything; cats,

dogs, turtles, ferrets, birds, rabbits, ect... But I have to say

besides my love for dogs & cats, ferrets are my absolute favorite!

I would love to have another one to add to our family if I

only had a cage big enough to keep them from getting hurt.

Laughter and fun

Today was our women's ministries luncheon. We had a blast! Last year the ladies kidnapped me and took me to lunch with them. We had just moved from Florida and had only been here in IL for 3 days but here I was climbing into a van as snowflurries whirled around my head and I was freezing because I had no coat! This year was much different. Oh, I was still climbing into a van, literally, my poor knee was screaming the whole time. But as I looked up into the van that had 12 other women waiting for me I realized, "Wow, It's been a year!" Someone who had gone last year made that same comment as I was thinking it. Or at least a comment close to it.

So off we went 13 ladies, me sitting in the middle of the van able to hear and try to be part of the conversations going on in the back and in the front. The funny thing being a pastor's wife is that the women often times get real quiet when talking about the previous pastor or if they plan to attend another churches Christmas programs. I did my best to reassure them that Sean and I support what other churches are doing and that they should not be afraid to say they plan to attend another church for this program or whatever. We know they are faithful to our church and more importantly faithful to God.
So off we went, driving east towards KY. Yes, these ladies drive 1 1/2 hrs away for food. But boy is the fellowship fun. I brought along a Christmas song game, "Thanks Mom- It was hit!" We laughed and they were really good at getting me to slip and give them the answers! All well we still had fun.

Our destination was Patty's Settlement in Grand Rivers, KY.

http://www.pattis-settlement.com/main.htm .

Each room is decorated in a different theme for Christmas. Beautiful!!!! I mean out of this world beautiful! I mean better than Disney at Christmas beautiful. Did I say it is beautiful?? Even better it is owned by a Christian family so there are lots of rooms centered around Christ! Plus the fun candy room, the Christmas fairy room and the Santa room. They have out of this world food and to die for desserts! They have this lemon merange pie (or lime, chocolate or cococut) and the merange stands 6 - 8 inches high! I am not kidding! You know the old Wendy's commerial, "Where's the Beef?" well with this pie you can say, "where's the custard?"

One of the women wanted to cut part of the topping off the pie and as she did it landed in her lap. Well if that wasn't funny enough, she then went to pick it up and it landed in/on her daughters purse! Oh we laughed so hard!!! We really had a good time talking and laughing at and with each other. As I sat with the ladies around this large oval shaped table I began to realize just how many of the m were related, whether by marriage or directly (mom/daughter, sisters, cousins) and I realized how much I wished my Mom or Sister could have been with us. Last year I felt like an outsider, I knew no one, had no idea what they expected of me as the PW and I was so full of emotions just from moving, the holiday season and honestly just plain tired. This year to be honest I still felt like an outsider. These women have either known each other all their lives, grown up together, went to school together or are family. Here I am the PW and I still don't feel like I click with these women as much as I wish I did. I am sure as time goes on that will change....or so I hope. Small towns like ours are tight knit and the women in those small town churches are even tighter. I do my best to be honest, open and giving. Maybe too much but that is who I am.
All in all we had a great time and everyone said they wished we had more time. The plan is to go out and do this more this coming year. I think the more we do it the more I might fit in...and if I don't that's ok too.

Happy Birthday!

Happy Birthday My Little Angel!

SeanPatrick Eugene Kelly

Nov 22, 1997

Born Quietly

Ten years ago today we were blessed with a precious little angel. For 9 months he kept us on our toes. Growing strong in the safety of his womb.
Laying gently in God's hands. He was a very energetic baby. We remember how he would respond to Sean's voice. It didn't matter if Daddy was singing praises to God or preaching to college students, if SeanPatrick heard his Daddy's voice he would start dancing and my bladder was the brunt of the attack. I remember distinctly one night while at Chi Alpha Christian Fellowship on the campus of Morehead State University, during our weekly service that He was very active.

It was almost as if he was shouting "amen, you go dad!"

He was a surprise to us not an accident as many would say! He surprised us with his presence just 3 months after we got married. Nine months later on a cold early morning my water broke startling me awake. I called Mom to let them know that my water broke and that I was waking up Sean and would be on our way to the hospital. I felt something was wrong but wasn't sure what. I just asked God to help me calm my fears, I thought it was just nerves. I remember as clear as day God ask me, "Do you trust Me?" I naturally said, "Yes!" Little did I know how my life would change that day. When we got to the hospital the nurse could not find his heart beat, something that had happened before. But the ultra sound confirmed our greatest fears. SeanPatrick was born quiet, with all ten toes and fingers and a head full of hair. His hair was so long we could make a pony tail with it and his hair was past his little sleeper collar. He was a beautiful baby. Whole and perfect! We learned later, that SeanPatrick was a gymnast. He had gotten tied up, around his small neck with the cord. I was told the cord was extremely short. When Kristofer was born he also had the cord wrapped around his neck and I was told then that it was a long cord.
The days that followed were a blur of emotion. Our dear friends, Pastor Gary & Rhonda Gray and Christy Cain wrote a special song for us to play at the funeral. Here is a copy of the lyrics from that song:

We Place You in His Hands

Tiny life so fragile, sent to earth from heaven's gate

Blessed our lives for just a little while,

a testimony of His grace

No harsh words were ever spoken, to dim your precious brow

We know you're in the safest place, in the arms of Jesus now

We give you back to God, we place you in His hands

We place you in the hands of the Father above

Knowing He will keep you safe within His love

We place you in the hands that calms the raging waves

Knowing that He is still able to save

We give you back to God, we place you in His hands

Ten years later and the pain is still as raw and fresh every year his birthday rolls around. His life touched many and forever changed ours. Because of his death we know of at least 2 people that accepted Jesus Christ as their Savior. His funeral was beautiful and all those in attendance will say God was there with us and so were His angels. The day of SeanPatrick's funeral was a cold dreary fall day. When we were at the grave site sitting up on a hill in Eastern Kentucky, we sat under a tent and under that tent the presence of God was so strong! When we played, " We Place You in His Hands" the clouds broke and the sun shined down on us and SeanPatrick. The wind stopped and all was quiet for the brief moment the song played. At the end of the song "We give you back to God, We place you in His hands" a mighty wind came and almost took the tent. It was like the rush of angels wings as they took flight! The clouds closed and the sun disappeared. Those in attendance talked about what took place for weeks afterwards. We have no doubt that God sent His angels to be with us and our family as we released our precious son into Jesus' hands!

We hang these pictures I have posted on our family wall along with his brothers and sister. Our other children know that they have a big brother in heaven watching out for them and one day, when Jesus returns we will be reunited with SeanPatrick.

Man's Best Friend

Today is dedicated to the best dog in the world.

Katie Joy

Nov 1997 – Nov 2006

Katie was and will always be my dog! I do not believe in cloning of any thing but this is one friend I would love to have back. Just mentioning her name brings a smile to my face and tears to my eyes. She was my friend. She always knew if I wasn’t feeling well. She also seemed to know when I was pregnant with the kids. She would lay on or near my stomach as much as she could as if she protect the babies. I remember the day we brought her home from the pound. She was so small that she could sit in my palm. We had no idea who big or small she would be but we fell in love with her instantly. Katie became my baby and stayed my baby till she died. She filled a place that was left empty when our first son was stillborn.
In the years that followed she became the protector of our children and playmate as well. When we brought Jaron home for the first time she jumped into my lap and smelled him, licked his nose and would laid down next to him on our bed. She never left his side. She loved him as much as we did. She loves all the kids. When we brought Kristofer home she was the same way and when the twins came home for the first time she would go from one to the other smelling them. I think it confused her as much as it confused the boys as to why we had two babies instead of just one. Katie was a true friend, protector and companion. If I could have her here with us today it would make everything perfect. Instead she is, I believe, in heaven keeping SeanPatrick company like she kept us company.

We're gonna get married and have some kids!

On the first Sunday of every month we have a fellowship dinner after the first service. It is always fun and full of good food. Tonight Kristofer showed interest in one of the little girls at church. Yes our 5 yr old has fallen madly in love with a little blond named Koreena. She is a cute blond haired brown eyed 5 yr old. She is in his kindergarten class as well. He was a sweet gentleman with her. He pulled her chair out so she could sit down and then he went and got her and himself a piece of cake. It was like watching teenagers trying to impress each other! Just on a smaller and much younger scale!
Tonight the older boys were teasing him. He didn't care he stated matter of factly that "Yes I love her! I think she is beautiful!" Then later that night after she had left Jaron asked her do you really love Koreena and he said very boldly with a HUGE smile, "Yes I love her. Some day when we get older we will get married and have us some kids!" Just smiling away. Every adult in the room just lost it. The way he said it was too funny! So proud and full of smiles!
Now the night would not be complete without Sara trying to kiss Jordan, another 5 yr old little boy who comes to the church and is also in Kris' class. Sara has a small crush on Jordan, she bats her eyes at him and tries to sit close to him all the time. It's sweet!
Now Mom and Dad are thinking slow down you two! Sean said he we wanted to pass out when Kris said what he said. Had he seen Sara try to kiss Jordan he might have! I am just really happy to see Kris reaching out to others! Sometimes because of his SID he seems to be in his own world most of the time. Sometimes so much so that it takes us a while to pull him out of his world and into ours. So to see him actually showing an interest in someone else other than family is GREAT!

Pushing Buttons

AAAAAUUUUUGGGGG!!!!!

Why? Why? Why?

Please, can someone enlighten me as to why

children seem to enjoy pushing buttons??

Not just computer buttons...

Sara loves pushing and clicking on every button

she can on the computer causing the computer

to almost shut down on me! I think it is as

stressed as I am today!

No....they know when Mama is hurt

and can't catch them! They know how,

when and what buttons to push!

They know what limits to break

and if they have the opportunity ~ they do.

Let me tell you something, just because our

kids are PKs (pastor's kids) they are not perfect!

We don't expect them to be and thankfully our

church body doesn't expect them to be either!

But today I sure would have appreciated it

if my children would have obeyed me a little

bit more. I guess to be honest they were

just being kids, having fun and enjoying the

last days of summer. They had a grand time

playing in the hose, making mud puddles

and spraying each other.

Then it started ~ mud fights.

There was mud flying everywhere. Now

understand, I was outside enjoying the fresh

cool air and sunshine while they were playing.

It was ok, I don't mind the mud. They are

kids and a bit of dirt comes with the territory!

There are too many parents out there that

do not allow their children to enjoy

sensory fun such has dirt, mud and even

finger painting! But that is another

tangent I will address at a later time!

Nope what started as fun turned into a battle.

Not just against each other!! No Sara & Eli

decide to include Mama into the fun against

my will! Now on any other day I would have

joined in ~ but lets remember it has only been

6 days since my surgery, I am wobbling around

on crutches (due to strong pain killers last week I did

not use crutches & now that I'm only taking Advil

I realize just how much my knee hurts again~ouch!! )

Anyway, my wonderful, loving, sweet, energy pack,

double mint twins began throwing mud at Mama all

the while giggling. The more I yelled the more they

threw. Then came the hose! By the time I got into

the house and away from them I was covered in mud

and was soaked to the bone. Thank goodness I had

sense enough to hide my stomach from direct hits!

I sent Kris and Jaron out to stop the madness.

Then it was to the showers for all 4 of them.

My stomach is screaming, my back is swearing

and my knee is past forgiveness!

CALGON TAKE ME AWAY!

Oh, JFYI ~ Sean is at work and my Mommy

flew back home today.....

THANK YOU MOM!!!!

With out you here I would never had gotten

through the last week and Sean would never

had been able to take those extra shifts!

Those extra shifts will help us out greatly!

THANK YOU MOM!

THANK YOU GOD

FOR MAKING MOM'S!

And Thank you God for giving me the chance to

be a mom even if I am not perfect!

Thoughts about 9-11

Today marks 6 years that terrorists attacked our nation. I know exactly where I was and what I was doing. I was at my grandmother's "Mom" with Jaron. We were watching Katie, Matt, Al and Ann on NBC's Today Show. I remember my sister n law, Leah calling me saying, "What is going on?" We sat glued to the tv at different houses. The whole time Mom was asking me what was wrong. I am so thankful that God took her comprehension of that day completely away. She lived through the time when our nation was attacked by Japan and Pearl Harbor was hit. I remember as a teen her sharing with me how it made her feel so unsafe after that time. She was very ill and I am glad that she had no idea what was happening...she thought it was just a tv show.
I remember calling Sean, he didn't believe me at first. I remember that he immediately started calling his sister in NY she worked next to the World Trade Center. Later we found that she was fine as well as Sean's nephew Joey and other family members that worked either in the buildings or near there. What was even stranger was that a few of the terrorists had lived in our town and in a friend's rental home and had also lived just down the street from Leah and my brother Chris.
I remember how numb I felt and scared. I remember holding Jaron, 17 months old, very close and holding my stomach, I had just found out that I was pregnant with Kris. I kept thinking how is this going to affect my children.
Today Jaron asked me if I was alive when 9-11 happened. He asked me a lot of questions that I just didn't know how to answer. I think what really surprised me was that despite what happened and how the media makes it sound like we are always at threat for another attack, Jaron feels safe. I am thankful that he feels that way. I would never want my children to feel fearful that America is not safe. We talked a little bit about the service men/women that are fighting in Iraq.
I may not understand why our troops are still there but I do know that if we did not have these men/women serving our country and fighting to protect the rights of not just our country but the rights of others, that we would not be able to feel free and safe in our country. God bless and protect all of the service men and women that are fighting for freedom!

Living with SID

SID - Sensory Integration Disorder....That is what Kristofer lives with day in and day out. There is never a day that he doesn't experience something more than his body can handle. To put it plainly, he experiences all of his 7 senses at one time. His brain is still learning how to tune out the hum of the lights and the ceiling fan so that he can concentrate on what I may be saying to him.

Some days he is fine, small things will bother him but not enough to set him off into a "melt down". Other days everything sets him off and its as if the whole world is attacking him. It's on those days that I have to really pray for guidance and ask the Lord to help me figure out how to help him feel safe. Today, actually this afternoon was one of those "the world is attacking me" days. It is never just one thing that sets him into orbit so figuring out what it is rather difficult. Sometimes he can tell me what is hurting him, most of the time its the feeling of the clothes on his skin. He has come a long way with that!

He went most of his life without clothing on unless he had to be dressed for church or public outing. I use to put his shorts on and bring his shirt, socks and shoes with me and dress him before entering church or the store. If I did dress him he would somehow get everything off while strapped in his car seat.

Today he couldn't tell me what was hurting him or bothering him. One minute he was screaming the next he was crying. So I start by turning the TV off, then the fan, pull the blinds down and find him a blanket. The other kids were playing in their rooms so that helped with noise. Kristofer helped me make a tent with the chairs and the blanket and he hid inside for about 20 minutes. By the time he came out I had the home made play dough cooling for him to play with.

When he came out of his "safe place" he asked for his favorite drink "choc. milk" but we had no choc. so he settled for pink (strawberry) milk. He then sat at the table quietly playing with the play dough until I turned the ceiling fan on...then he started screaming again. I turned it off and he said, "Thank you Mommy, the wind hurts me." It's so hot outside and it's not the coolest inside so I thought the cool breeze from the fan would help him but I was wrong.

Some days he spends a lot of time jumping on the furniture or running into me or his brothers. It's on those days that I get his exercise trampoline out and let him jump. Sometimes we set up an obstacle course for him and his sibs or we head to the playground.

We never know what the day will bring for Kristofer. We learn daily with him and for him.

Today was worn me out...they usually do when Kris does alot of crying....