Diagnosis Given

Yesterday was the big day for our family. We finally have clarity with Kristofer.

Not really a surprise, we have suspected it for a while now. But the reality of it is overwhelming. Has it changed anything NO! We just now have a clear understanding as to why Kristofer is the way he is. Having the diagnosis will help in school. It gives us a place to start. Did I want this diagnosis, no - not at all. But it does validate all of my thoughts and feelings about what we have been dealing with. In our case I can honestly say that I DO NOT feel that it was caused by vaccines. The signs were there before he ever had the MMR vaccination. Our pediatrician at the time just was not, hmmmm, how to put this nicely....uhm aware of and did not listen to us. I'll admit that I did not push hard about it till he was 3 and we really started seeing how different Kris was from other children. Up until that point we just kept thinking it was his ears.

It's been a long road to get to this point. His behavior in the beginning was blamed on the never ending ear infections he had. Then one summer right after he had turned three our dear friends, Mike and Marty Short, came to visit us. They had just been given the diagnosis of autism with their oldest child. We asked them to watch Kristofer and tell us what they thought. Honestly, Marty had told me to read "The Out of Sync Child" about Sensory Process Disorder. I did but only so I could understand a little bit of what her son was dealing with. I refused to accept that Kristofer was dealing with those same issues that spring. But by summer and listening to what they had to say, listening to Mike (who is a special ed teacher) we decided to start pushing for help. When I approached our pediatrician I told her everything I knew at the time about SPD. She looked like a deer in headlights! No kidding here. She had never heard of it, but I continued to press for a referral. She sent us to a Behavioral Therapist. We started "play therapy" where the therapist worked on behavior modification. I kept asking her if she thought he was autistic but I never would get a straight answer. She referred Kris for occupational and speech therapies. So we started those. We began to see big changes in him. The behavioral therapy honestly helped us more than him, teaching us how to deal with and redirect his behavior.

When Kris was four and had been in therapy for a year I asked the therapists to be honest with me about whether he was autistic or not. They said they weren't sure but he did show signs and it could just be the SPD he was dealing with. So we enrolled him into pre-K at the therapy center. That fall we accepted the pastorate here in Illinois. Before moving Kristofer came down with a terrible ear infection. So we headed to the doctor, during that visit I was told they had finally (after a year) read the reports they had been sent from the OT, Speech and Behavioral Therapists. She was going to refer him to a pediatric specialist to be evaluated for possible autism. But we would never have been able to do it because we were moving in two weeks. The wait to see this specific doctor was 3-6 months. So we moved to IL, got Kristfoer enrolled into pre-K through the school since he had an IEP already. We began asking questions about having him evaluated. The school was reluctant because they were not seeing issues with him in Kindergarten. He was just a quiet boy, who stayed to himself. We knew different, something was amiss with our little guy.

So at the end of the school year after finding a family doctor that agreed with us, we started the process of finding out what exactly he has been dealing with. We truly believe God placed us in IL not only for ministry but also specifically for Kristofer. SIU has a wonderful research program that is connected to the Autism Program of Illinois. The center offers therapy services as well as a resource room for parents; with books, videos, computer programs that can help you create a variety tools to work with your child. For this I am so grateful to be living here in IL! So now that we have clarity and have given the full report to those that needed it in the school system, we feel like now we have the foundation on which to base his therapies and other helps at school on. We are not devastated by this diagnosis. Relieved but still overwhelmed with all the thoughts we have about Kristofer' future. We know God has a plan for his life. His Word tells us that, "He who began a ood work in you is faithful to complete it." God does not make mistakes, everything about God is perfect and Kristofer is one of His masterpieces that he is still working in and through. So we place our trust in a BIG GOD who has a plan for him and us.

I have to publicly say thank-you to all of my friends, family and "sistas -ya know who ya are!" for all the encouraging words yesterday and the last few weeks. It's nice to know we have a support system out there standing with us and praying for Kristofer and us.

Raw honesty

History of the Woman's Fight to Vote

My dear sister-n-law, Michele, sent this to me. I have no idea who wrote it but it is all true and every woman in the USA had better wake up and read this! I had never heard of any of this when I was in high school or even in college. Its very interesting. Women, out there, regardless of where you stand politically you are blessed to live here in the USA and you need to get out and VOTE on Nov. 4th.

*************************************************

A HISTORY LESSON NOT TAUGHT IN SCHOOL THAT I WANTED TO SHARE WITH YOU. NOT MANY ALIVE TODAY KNOW WHAT HAPPENED THEN.HOW QUICKLY WE FORGET.....IF ....WE EVER KNEW...... WHY WOMEN SHOULD VOTE

This is the story of our Grandmothers and Great-grandmothers; they lived only 90 years ago. nonetheless for picketing the White House, carrying signs asking for the vote. Remember, it was not until 1920that women were granted the right to go to the polls and vote. The women were innocent and defenseless, but they were jailed .

(Lucy Burns)

And by the end of the night, they were barely alive. Forty prison guards wielding clubs and their warden's blessing went on a rampage against the 33 women wrongly convicted of 'obstructing sidewalk traffic.' They beat Lucy Burns, chained her hands to the cell bars above her head and left her hanging for the night, bleeding and gasping for air.

(Dora Lewis)

They hurled Dora Lewis into a dark cell, smashed her head against an iron bed and knocked her out cold. Her cell mate, Alice Cosu, thought Lewis was dead and suffered a heart attack. Additional affidavits describe the guards grabbing, dragging, beating, choking, slamming, pinching, twisting and kicking the women.

Thus unfolded the 'Night of Terror' on Nov. 15, 1917, when the warden at the Occoquan Workhouse in Virginia ordered his guards to teach a lesson to the suffragists imprisoned there because they dared to picket Woodrow Wilson's White House for the right to vote.For weeks, the women's only water came from an open pail. Their food--all of it colorless slop--was infested with worms.

(Alice Paul)

When one of the leaders, Alice Paul, embarked on a hunger strike, they tied her to a chair, forced a tube down her throat and poured liquid into her until she vomited. She was tortured like this for weeks until word was smuggled out to the press.


http://memory.loc.gov/ammem/collections/suffrage/nwp/prisoners.pdf


So, refresh my memory.
Some women won't vote this year because ~ why, exactly?

We have carpool duties?

We have to get to work?

Our vote doesn't matter?

It's raining?


Last week, I went to a sparsely attended screening of HBO's new movie 'Iron Jawed Angels.' It is a graphic depiction of the battle these women waged so that I could pull the curtain at the polling booth and have my say. I am ashamed to say I needed the reminder. All these years later, voter registration is still my passion. But the actual act of voting had become less personal for me, more rote.
Frankly, voting often felt more like an obligation than a privilege. Sometimes it was inconvenient. My friend Wendy, who is my age and studied women's history, saw the HBO movie, too. When she stopped by my desk to talk about it, she looked angry. She was - with herself. 'One thought kept coming back to me as I watched that movie,' she said. 'What would those women think of the way I use, or don't use, my right to vote? All of us take it for granted now, not just younger women, but those of us who did seek to learn.' The right to vote, she said, had become valuable to her 'all over again.'

HBO released the movie on video and DVD . I wish all history, social studies and government teachers would include the movie in their curriculum I want it shown on Bunco night, too, and anywhere else women gather.

I realize this isn't our usual idea of socializing, but we are not voting in the numbers that we should be, and I think a little shock therapy is in order. It is jarring to watch Woodrow Wilson and his cronies try to persuade a psychiatrist to declare Alice Paul insane so that she could be permanently institutionalized.


And it is inspiring to watch the doctor refuse. Alice Paul was strong, he said, and brave. That didn't make her crazy. The doctor admonished the men:

'Courage in women is often mistaken for insanity.'


Please, if you are so inclined, pass this on to all the women you know. We need to get out and vote and use this right that was fought so hard for by these very courageous women. Whether you vote democratic, republican or independent party - remember to vote. History is being made.


Read more:


http://memory.loc.gov/ammem/collections/suffrage/nwp/tactics.html
http://memory.loc.gov/ammem/collections/suffrage/nwp/brftime3.html

Guest Blog

~This is from an email I received from a friend who received it from the SPD Network. It's a great message! ENJOY!~

Over the years, I have heard numerous versions of a charming but insightful story about a child whose hand became stuck inside a priceless vase. All attempts to remove the little hand proved fruitless, until finally the expensive vase had to be smashed. When the unhurt hand emerged from the shards of pottery, everyone gathered around could see that inside a tiny fist, the child was proudly clutching a one-cent coin! Obviously, the child's desire to hang onto that insignificant coin came at tremendous expense, as the irreplaceable, expensive vase was sacrificed for it.


Do we sometimes hang onto insignificant ideas, feelings, objects, relationships, beliefs, or possessions? At what cost? I'm not talking about the 'big stuff'—our values, ideals, and important relationships, which, like the vase, we would sacrifice only if absolutely necessary (or never). I'm talking about the things that may appear priceless to us, as the penny did to the child, but which have no real value in the greater scheme of things. Sometimes we hold so tightly to petty feelings, grudges, insistence on doing things our own way, our egos, replaceable possessions, 'rights,' and relationships, at tremendous cost to other people, to our ability to be successful, and to our own integrity.


Perhaps we can gain some perspective by asking ourselves, 'Is this like a valuable vase or a one-cent coin?' We might ponder this thought as we enter an IEP meeting, work to determine appropriate discipline for a child, interact with someone who has hurt our feelings, deal with a difficult colleague, or find ourselves participating in a heated discussion.


What is the cost of holding on? Would we damage a relationship, the feelings of another person, an opportunity for employment or progress in the classroom, fora 'one-cent coin?' Do we have a 'mite' which we are holding onto too strongly?


Sometimes opening our tightly clutched hand to examine our penny (our thoughts,beliefs, feelings, ideas, etc.) can save both the penny AND the precious vase! That's the intent of the process of social understanding; to examine all sides of an issue and proceed in a way that is hopefully effective for everyone!


Laurel Hoekman, Executive Director The Gray Center for Social Learning and Understanding www.thegraycenter.

For Every Mountain!

They happen....

miracles that is! Yes! YES! YES! This afternoon was the first afternoon in over 10 days that Kristofer only had one meltdown and I know why and for what reason! YAHOO!
We have endured 10 long days of multiple meltdowns and I would say 90% of them we had no idea why or what set them off. Can I sigh a sigh of relief? Maybe...hoping...waiting for the break through...pushing through for the break through....need the break through....

For a fantastic teaching on The Breaking Point check out this...it is written by Tara Sloan. She shared this at the Unstoppable Conference...it is big, it was huge and it made a gigantic impact on my life and still is!

Thursday, September 11, 2008

The Breaking Point By Tara Sloan

The Breaking Point - A few months ago I began to hear the Lord speak to me about Unstoppable. Of course I listened, took note and continued to seek Him for direction. As the conference came closer and closer, I began to sense an extreme urgency. I have learned that whenever that happens, God is trying to get my undivided attention. So, I begin to press in. As I sought the Lord, I heard Him say, “Tara, there are women who will be at Unstoppable who are currently at their breaking point. They are at a crossroads that could potentially paralyze them. My heart is that they not be broken and crippled by what they have been facing but that they be propelled through it by the power of the Holy Spirit.”

Tonight, we are going to take a candid look at the lives of three women who made entirely different choices. One of them ended up paralyzed, another, propelled and the last one lost the most… all of them at the breaking point. I am a HUGE believer in destiny. God has a strategic plan for each and every one of us. I know this and believe it with every fiber of my being. However, there are still times in every one of our lives when circumstances, situations, people well intentioned… or not will force us to the very place where we have no idea whether or not we can go on. I am going to begin reading in 2 Samuel, chapter 13:1-20… I am reading from The Message translation… (I won't post because of space... so turn there and read...)

Many of you know WHO you are, like Tamar, you KNOW who your daddy is- but more than that you can also identify with the shame, pain, fear, rejection and betrayal Tamar experienced. People who promised they’d never leave, they left, promises made become promises broken, and the days and nights you prayed, labored, laid awake and poured into people are thrown at your feet in a heap. It leaves you feeling used, violated, just like Tamar. Yet look at what she did, after Amnon raped her, he told her to go away, yet we’re talking about a woman here. She’s thinking, “Oh my goodness, he’s just going to use me up and throw me out? Oh no, he can’t do that to me” She began to tell him how she felt, begging, pleading… and he had her PHYSICALLY removed. They put her out and BOLTED the door. I can just see her, as she’s being drug out, yelling and screaming, then the door is shut and locked as she is lying on the ground sobbing, no dignity left, beating on the door, “Amnon, you can’t do this to me! Amnon! Amnon, don’t leave me like this!” Tamar deserved better treatment as an Israelite. Tamar deserved better treatment as a relative. Tamar deserved better treatment as a sister. Tamar deserved better treatment as a princess. Despite all this, Amnon spitefully treats Tamar as this woman. Then after being rejected again by being ignored, Tamar broke. She ripped her gown off, her gown signifying her identity, her status and she heaped ashes upon her head symbolizing the shame of hat she had just encountered. She covered her head and headed home where she ran into her brother Absalom who knew exactly what had occurred as we see in verse 20… READ VERSE 20… Absalom tried to comfort Tamar by saying that she “should not take it to heart”.

These are hollow words indeed, for she has been violated by her brother, and the cultural context of that time dictated that her future was irreparably altered. I know Absalom meant well, but come on! That’s like putting a band aid on a broken arm! This woman was SO burdened by what she was carrying that she stripped herself of her identity. She was broken, distraught, and now wore her shame upon her head. Her brother knew by looking at her- and yet helped her cover it as did her father, at the time anyway. What gets me about the LACK of what David and Absalom did is just that- they didn’t do ANYTHING… by doing this they let Tamar continue to be broken, paralyzed by the violation committed against her by someone who supposedly loved her no less! They could have helped silence her scream, “Don’t leave me like this! Absalom! Amnon! Daddy! God! Somebody help me!”

I wonder how many of you in this room have had those closest to you ignore the cry of your pain. Unfortunately, that is Tamar’s story. Her hopes for children and her own home were shattered. At that point, the point I call the “breaking point,” Tamar was faced with a decision. Verse 20 says she lived in Absalom’s house a desolate woman. However, her cry, her scream is still living. Can you hear it? Perhaps it is YOUR cry tonight. The circumstances, pain and violations committed against you have you at the breaking point that threatens to paralyze you and keep you locked up. As you examine yourself tonight, are there circumstances, secrets, deep areas in your life threatening to paralyze as you face the breaking point tonight? (Someone holding their head in their hands saying, “I just want to get through this weekend, go home and quit… it is just too much to bear…) Before you give in, remember, what you have gone through doesn’t have to paralyze you… it can propel you… if you don’t give up… God desires to turn your setback into a comeback! The pain you are feeling is pain with a purpose. He isn’t ignoring your pain, He hasn’t forgotten you, He desires to turn your pain into power!

I told you we would explore three women… I just gave you one scenario, what paralysis will bring you, now let’s look at a woman who used the adversity she faced to propel her… Turn to Luke, chapter 7. Beginning in verse 36… (READ THROUGH VERSE 50) Mary was known as a sinner. When she walked into the room her every move, past, present and future was discussed among whispers. Have you ever walked into a room like that? If that isn’t a breaking point, goodness! Tell me what is! Mary was tired of living with the pain, she was desperate to move forward. So she found the most valued thing she owned, it represented her past, present and future. And it cost her something… a decision to face her accusers, confront her past, challenge religion and hope for a future. I can just see her standing at the threshold of the door, gathering the courage to go in. But that was not her breaking point. Her breaking point was in the "breaking of her box." That was HER box. She didn't keep hers at home and run into Neimen Marcus for a knock off that would serve the purpose. No, she took what was most precious to her, what had cost her so much, her security, what meant everything in the world to her and she broke it open and poured it out. As we all know, Mary’s box held a costly perfume, BUT what she did with it represented much more than what it contained. Mary did not just open her box and pour out a measure of what it held. Instead she broke it open. A broken vessel can no longer retain its contents. It is powerless to withhold; therefore, it freely spills out all that is within it.

This is the purpose of the breaking. It is not so God can take pleasure in our pain. No! The pain is part of the process when face the breaking point, but it is not the purpose. The goal is the fragrance, the sweet aroma that fills the air...and the nostrils of God. As she poured the oil from the box, a beautiful fragrance filled the room. It changed the atmosphere. Being at the feet of Jesus, of your Daddy God changes things. It looks religion in the face and dares it to judge. It will change rules, regulations and laws for your behalf. I just love the fact that she broke HER box. In her own way, she said the same thing Tamar said… “Jesus, don’t leave me like this! Help me!” Her actions relinquished any control she had. You see, if she had just opened the box and poured a measure that she thought was sufficient she could also put the top back on. But, in the breaking of the box, there is a reckless abandonment that cried, "It is all yours Jesus. I'm giving it all to you. I am breaking my box open as a sacrifice to you. Take it all! My pain, my fear, regret; take my future, my potential and my promise… take it all…"

When this time of worship occurs at the Breaking Point, something happens. Our heart's cry deviates from, "What about what happened to me?" to "How I can use what has happened to me for You Lord? Here is what I have. I break it open before You. It's no use to me unless it is mixed with Your presence." You see ladies, we need to stop asking God, “Why did this happen to me?” and begin asking God, “Why did I overcome it?” See, I am not big on surviving anymore, I don’t want to be a survivor, I want to be an over comer! The word survive means, to remain alive or in existence… well that can mean you are barely hanging on through life support… BUT the word overcome means to conquer, to gain mastery over or win. Just because you went through it does not mean you are defined by it! When they come and say, “Whew, they barely made it through that church split, but they survived…” Something ought to rise up in you say, “Oh no… we didn’t survive anything… we OVERCAME!” We conquered the enemy at the breaking point! We won!

There is a choice tonight for those of you who find yourselves at the “breaking point.” There are some of you who just don’t think it is worth it anymore and you are tempted to hold on to whatever it is you have locked up in your box. For some of you it is pain, fear of being rejected again, or a shameful past that is threatening to paralyze you. For others, it is brokenness, failed dreams, or unfulfilled dreams. Remember Tamar? Absalom’s house became her alabaster box. It held the potential, pain, promise, and shame of this woman. When she failed to “break out the box” she remained a victim, she remained a person of untapped potential.

These things were as costly as the oil in Mary’s box. If broken up and given to God, her future would have been much different. Or will you be like Mary tonight, will your cry at the breaking point propel you though it by the power of the Holy Spirit. You may still have to deal with stuff, because you can do everything right and still have people do you wrong or circumstances knock you off your feet! Being wounded is a temporary event but healing is a process. Just because you’ve been treated badly doesn’t mean you have to curl up and die!

Psalm 23 tells us that He is the restorer of our soul! Mary was ridiculed as she broke open her box and with that decision, her life and the atmosphere she was in was completely changed! Think about it… are you willing to break that box tonight? There are Tamar’s in this room tonight… desperately wanting to be like Mary. They are screaming, some are whispering for lack of strength, “Don’t leave me like this… Somebody help me…” Tonight we all have a choice to break open our box like Mary or remained locked up like Tamar… but there are some of you even beyond that point… there is more woman I want to present to you tonight… please turn to Judges 19, we’ll begin with verse 22 and read through verse 27.

“And her hand was on the door and she was laying on the threshold.” She went through abuse all night, suffered the pain and the sacrifice and after they let her go she crawled through the pain and the difficulty of what she just endured and she got to the door and died. There are many in this room today that the process has been so painful and abusive that now that an effective door is open in front of you, you just don’t have the strength to push through. The Lord has spoken to me and said, “Tell them not to extend all they have to get to this point only to die on the threshold. You have been through too much.” Don’t let the pain of the process cause you to quit and forfeit your destiny. I know it has been a long painful night but morning is on the way and if you can press through the night your new day is about to begin.
Don’t die on the threshold, don’t die at your breaking point…
The Lord hears your cries tonight… h
e sees your struggle to be like Mary, not one of us wants to be paralyzed, or die on the threshold…
but the pain is sometimes so hard to bear alone…
some days are down right miracles that we ever got through them…
tonight, this altar represents the breaking point…
whatever yours may be…
At the breaking point, hold on…
at the breaking point…
don’t paralyze your potential by shutting down…
at the breaking point, lay it all down…
every bit of pain,
every broken promise,
every disappointment,
and give them to the Father…
it is at the breaking point…
• My ENEMIES will become my TEACHERS
• My MISTAKES will become my WISDOM
• My FAILURES will become my NEW OPPORTUNITIES
• My UNDESIRED ENDINGS will become my DESIRED BEGINNINGS

And as it says in the Message translation in Job 8:7, “Even though you're not much right now, you'll end up better than ever."

The BEST IS yet to come!

I pray that this teaching by Tara minister to you were ever you are in what ever circumstance you may be in! Hold on through the night your morning is on the way...

Lord, tonight I am holding on through the night, through this fight through this week of uncertainty with our son, through this month of financial breaking, through this year of brokenness and holding fast to You! Holding for the sunrise, holding on for clarity, holding on for direction, holding on for financial break through, holding on for complete healing from depression to healing of my knees. I am holding fast and strong to You, I am clinging on to the hem of Your garment Jesus!

How do I spell relief...

JESUS & SCHOOL! Yes in that order! Without Jesus by my side I am not sure I would know how to handle everything our family is going through with Kristofer. I spent an hour and a half on the phone with the OT this morning. Thank goodness that we have an OT that loves my Kristofer and sees the potential that we see in him. She is not ready to throw in the towel and for that I am so grateful! I am also grateful that she is a Christian and prays for him. She has started a new routine with him today...starting with all kinds of sensory input and sensory games. We are praying that this will make a huge difference for him. She cares so much for him that she made a way to spend an hour with him on Monday and Wed mornings instead of the 30 mins she had been spending. She is ready to stand next to us and fight for and with him through this really rough patch! YAY! I love having the support and not just verbal support from people at school that work with our son! She is willing to do what ever is needed. Right now we are praying that all the intervention she is instilling in to his day at school that it will make it easier as he goes through this rough time. If things for some reason get worse then we have a plan for that too. We are praying we won't have to go that direction. I am just glad we have some direction for him right now.

S C H O O L...does spell relief. It may sound terrible but I am so glad that I have at least 2 1/2 hours a day that all four kids are at school out of the house. It gives me time to think, pray and get a few things done that need to be done when they are not here. Momma's need alone time and I take that time for me to spend with God, with Sean (when he isnt sleeping) and time to just be quiet. Lately I have spent it talking with teachers but this week I am hoping to really concentrate on getting this in order around here so that when all 4 are home and can fully concentrate on Kristofer to help him work through what ever issues he is dealing with and the others as they need my help.

Whip Cream Facial

What I do for my kids at church! LOL! They absolutely loved the fact that I was covered in whip cream! I promised the kids if we raised at least $100 for BGMC that I would eat pie! Well we raised over $200 and even exceeded our annual goal for BGMC and we still have 3 months till the end of the year! I have included a few pictures of Children's church this morning. We were pretending to be in the boat that Paul was in during the storm....we were talking about faith.

Kristofer was very upset that he didn't get to put the pie in my face SO...I was blessed again with a 2nd whip cream facial...Hey that would be a great spa treatment...and it tastes great too! LOL!