Jesus is Everything to ME!

Receiving the Love of God (guest blog)

Read this today and it really hit a cord with me. So much so that I decided that my readers needed to hear what was said as well.


Receiving The Love of God by Cassandra Stafford

My husband tells me I'm beautiful all the time.
I rarely believe him.

He admires me at the most peculiar moments.
While I'm still in my jammies...hair unbrushed...no makeup...while I'm sipping my coffee...

He's not admiring all of the undone...
He's not noticing my flaws...

He's noticing the blush of my cheeks.
My smooth skin (thank God for nice skin!!)
He's liking my dark brown eyes.

Me?
All I notice are my flaws.
In my mind, those things are enough to drown out the good. As if they cancel each other out.

He sees my curves and wants to hug me.
He hugs me tight and tells me I "feel good".
I --9 times out of 10--will respond with "yeah, good and huge!"
And he just sighs with disgust.

Why?
Cause I am not receiving his love for me when I always have some comeback to his praises.

So what if my body is not magazine cover quality? He and I both know it's not what it used to be. But does that mean it deserves to be ridiculed?

It goes deeper than outward beauty too.

Too many of us reject who we are.
We hate our personalities. We despise so much about how God crafted us and shaped us.
The clay tells the potter He has designed us all wrong...

But, what would happen if we took a bold leap of faith and started keeping our mouths (and minds) quiet when our husbands tell us we are lovely? What if we tried to believe it for once? What if when our children tell us we are "the best moms they ever had" (my girls favorite compliment) we didn't immediately start mentally recounting our every failing?

We could give a whole lot more love...to our husbands and children...
to our neighbors and friends...

Because we cannot give something we do not have. We cannot give love that we will not receive. We cannot offer peace we do not have.

And true peace, true love starts with receiving the love of God toward ourselves.

Despite our faults, shortcomings and imperfections.
What if--for once--we truly lived and acted like Jesus really did bring peace between God and us? What if, when He whispers to our hearts that He loves us...we swallowed hard and said "Yes Lord, I receive it. And, I love you too."

God's Masterpiece...YOU!

I know I have stated I want to keep this blog about my family but being a Christian and in the ministry is who we are. This is a very strong message, it has ministered to me and brought me to my knees this morning. I pray it ministers to you too!

When I Call...

When I call on Jesus allthings are possible! Sometimes I need to be reminded of that. DO YOU??

How Unstoppable has Changed me

Ok I have written a little bit here and there about my adventures over the last few days while at the conference but I have not written fully about how it has impacted my life. I have been trying to digest everything and I still am. You know that God is at work when you need to take days to digest everything you have heard, learned, and have been impacted by. I feel as if I am still eating every time I look at my notes, read a blog that either Deanna or Tara has written about the events.

So on Thursday when I arrived at the hotel the women who greeted me were fantastic! One of them and unfortunately I can't for the life of me remember her name actually helped me to my room. It isn't easy trying to carry a big bag, a suitcase and then this wonderful goodie bag (which I will share about in a minute) and try to walk using a cane. She was so sweet, I felt like an honored guest with her helping me. We get to my room and it was beautiful! I wish I had brought my camera...so any pictures I post on here will be from either Tara's or Deanna's blog. Anyway, we all were given this wonderful little bag of goodies. Inside there was yummy chocolate, a book "Musings of a Maraschino Cherry: Reflections on the Role of a Minister's Wife" by Peggy Musgrove, and other little things such as a candle and book mark. But the best gift was a framed note, it said "Melissa, Don't Worry! I have it under control! Love God" When I pulled that out of the bag I immediately had tears in my eyes! It was exactly what I needed to read! How many times do you get a personal note like that, that hits home in a way you don't expect?! I mean I read the Bible and I am always ministered to but that framed note was just EXACTLY what I needed to read. I now have it on my dresser so it's the first thing I see in the morning before I get ready for the day! It reminds me that God does have things under control and I can trust Him for the day! (Thank you PD or whoever came up with that idea!)


So Thursday night I walk into the the main room where we were going to have the conference and dinner. I was looking around talking to a few people when out of the corner of my eye I spot the one person I HAD to go see. Pastor Deanna was surrounded by women. I honestly didn't want to interrupt her, specially when I noticed that Tara was standing there as well. I knew how close they were just from my readings.
But here she was and when she saw me she actually squealed! Which surprised me honestly and she gave me this hug...a hug that welcomed me, like we had known each other forever! Honestly I have never had a hug like that from anyone I was meeting for the first time! PD - just thinking about it makes tears well up. Honestly, I have admired Deanna for her strength and courage despite all that she personally has been going through! She is one tough cookie even if her center may be soft (smile). That hug was so filled with love it was overwhelming to be honest. She immediately had me sit with her for dinner. What an honor! Here I am, a little ole nobody sitting at the table with three powerful speakers - Tara Sloan, Sandy Phanazee and Deanna. What an honor. Women I have admired from afar. Women I want to be like when I grow up! I have heard Sandy speak at other events and have always been ministered to. I have been ministered to through Tara and Deanna's blog for almost a year now. I felt like I was sitting with royalty, honestly I did. It was great!


We had a wonderful meal before Pastor Deanna spoke on "A Series of Unfortunate Events". I have to say when she began sharing I thought to myself, "she is reading my mail or maybe my blog!" This year has been "A Series of Unfortunate Events" for me. Every time I think I am getting ahead something else smacks me down. It was based on Ezekiel. What God spoke to me is that it really has nothing to do what is happening to me or around me, what is important is what is happening in me, how are the wrecks changing me...for the better? or for the worse? God allows things to happen for a reason, and even if I don't get it as long as I am trusting Him through it that is what is important. Sometimes you just have to do it "Anyway" like the song by Tina McBride.

There was great ministry that night. Then even better fellowship after service. I went back to my room with Carrie and we stayed up talking. It was late and the phone rings. Scared me and Carrie or at least it did me. I sorta jumped, I definitely wasn't expecting it to ring. On the end of the line was Deanna. Which really shocked me to be honest ... she was letting us know we had another roomie coming up...Sheryl. What a blessing to have them both with me to share the events with!

I have to say rooming with these two women was great! I originally was going to be staying with Michele. With everything she was going through last week, it was so much better for her and I that Deanna worked it out for me to stay at the hotel...THANK YOU PD! You know, God always has a plan and I know had I not been at the hotel I would not have connected with Carrie, Jessica, Sheryl, Jessica S., Tara or Deanna.

I have to say Jenn Lee took worship to a higher level every time she and the group lead us. It was fantastic to be able to worship without worrying about where or what my kids were doing. A luxury I do not get. I was able to let go and worship and it was fantastic!

Friday was packed with some fantastic workshops. Then that night Tara spoke about "the Breaking Point" and like I said in a previous post she hit the nail on the head! God reached in deep and touched me in a great way. I felt a release to just be real. I even gave a testimony that night.

So here is what I shared and this is how I feel even today. Pastoring Partners a ministry started by Deanna Shrodes has been a life line to me. When Sean and I moved here we had never been in a Senior Pastorate. We had been on staff at Venice Assembly Of God under Pastor Gary and Rhonda Gray. Two wonderful people and we learned so much. We will always cherish that time and our friendship with them. But when we came here I felt alone. I felt like NO one else had or was going through what I was going through. Then Michele through me this life line and I felt like I finally had a place to go to find support, understanding and love without feeling condemned. The women on there get it. They too struggle and are real people dealing with real issues. Then I learned about Unstoppable. Everything came against me going. Even up to the week before I was to leave. And yet I was determined that nothing was going to stop me from going, I became "unstoppable". I am so glad that I went.

The vision that Deanna has for this ministry is even larger than what she may have dreamed. I am sure of it! This conference is so different from anything I have ever gone to. This conference and this ministry is so needed for Pastor's wives and Women in ministry. We women have a tendency to isolate ourselves and this ministry gives us a chance to be real again. I have always been a person who is real. I don't sugar coat anything. But I haven't felt free to share what I have been going through, not even on here. This weekend gave me back my love, excitement and desire for ministry. It gave me what has been missing for a quite sometime. I have been going through the motions of ministry. It happens more than people realize! But I returned home with the desire to do what God has called me to do. I know Sean is thankful for what took place in my life.

What is funny and I honestly can't remember if it was Deanna, Tara, Jenn Lee or Sandy that said it but one of them stated, be aware that you will hit a wall when you get home, that satan will use your husband or your kids to steal what God has done in you. I am so glad that was said because I went home aware and on guard for it. And you know what...that is exactly what happened. But I was prepared for it so I saw it for what it was and laughed to myself about the situation.

Friday night sitting and eating dinner, sharing and laughing together was so what I needed. Like I said I have never laughed so hard about some of the funniest ministry stories I have heard! Laughter is great medicine! But even so is good fellowship with people that get it, that understand the struggles we women go through in the ministry, just the time to eat together, laugh and cry together...is huge! It really was a highlight of the conference! I mean other than the messages. I had so much fun! Spending time with Carrie and Jessica afterwards was even better! We went back to Jessica's room and laughed so hard my sides hurt. We got this crazy call, the front desk saying they had complaints and that we needed to quiet down. Then a knock at the door. From our side of the door it was hilarious, here was Jessica peeking through the peek hole that was covered up and Carrie standing behind her with the iron in her hand ready to smash it against who ever was on the other side of the door. I couldn't help but laugh, it was so funny to watch! Then when they do open the door there stood Sheryl and Jessica (the other one) and they were laughing at us...they played a terrible trick on us. Jessica S and I have decided that next year we are going pay them back, some how...

I have no idea what Deanna may be thinking about for next year but what ever it might be...I am going to be there! Whatever it takes I am going to be there! I am sure I will share more but for now I hope you have gotten a sense of what took place and how it ministered to me!

A Place of Safety

Earlier this week Sean and I were on our way home from town. While stopped a busy intersection a robin caught my eye. This bird was flying back and forth towards the bottom of the pole that was holding the stop light. At first I couldn't figure out what it was trying to do till I noticed at the bottom of the pole there was an opening and a little head peeked out. Yep, it has a nest in this pole.

Ever since that day I have not been able to get that image out of my head. In the middle of a very busy intersection, in a small triangular section of concrete sits a stoplight pole. On either side of this triangle are pathways for cars to drive. In my mind I can't imagine why this mother bird would chose a place that is surrounded by danger. But in the midst of danger she found a safe place to make her nest for her babies. Something about that pole gave her a sense of security, enough to lay her eggs inside.

Here is what God has shown me this week through this image...He is like that pole. Ok I know that is a strange statement but its true. You see in the midst of danger He is a constant place of safety. In the midst of uncertainty He is a place of certainty, He never changes. In the midst of turmoil He is a place of solace. No matter what circumstances you might find yourself in; whether it was by choice, a consequence of a bad choice, or just a situation you find yourself in and had no power over, God is there. Maybe you are facing uncertainty in your finances, health or a relationship, know this-the Creator of Heaven and Earth, the same creator who placed you in your mother's womb, is All knowing! He knows where you are, what you are facing and He alone has the power to give you the strength to overcome, endure and fight. In His presence you will find safety, certainty, solace, and healing.

Many times we do not have these things because we chose not to follow Him and abide by His word. Are you facing financial storms, most of us are feeling the mighty dollar pinch these days with the way the economy is, but let me ask you this, are you tithing?? Are you giving above your tithe and giving offerings, supporting missionaries as well? We struggle just as much as any other person out there financially and yes there are times when we could really use the 10% that we set aside for tithe. But we have found when we tithe and it is the hardest to do that God rushes in like a flood and blesses us, our needs are met and somehow on paper it never looks like it can be done. Plus when we tithe not only does He take care of us He blesses us in other ways often times giving us our hearts desires, in ways we could never fathomed. ( I plan to write about how God is doing this for me at a later date.)

Are you stressed and worry about things? Have you truly place those things into God's hands trusting that He will take care of it according to His will? This is not to say that You are not a participant in decision. I have found that God helps those that help themselves as we. You can't sit back and keep saying, "Oh God please help us with our finances," and not take that minimum wage job until better a job opens up for you. You never know how God can use you in that minimum wage job to share His love with others. Maybe you have a serious health issue you are dealing with, I am a FIRM believer that God heals and still performs miracles, but there are times that you have to go to the doctor and take the medicine that may keep you alive.

Case in point, a friend of mine, Traci, was diagnosed with a leukemia a few years ago. Doctors told her no one as an adult has ever lived and beat this type of cancer. She had to have a bone marrow transplant. By God's handiwork Traci received that bone marrow transplant and she is alive today, cancer free...almost 4 years later!!!!! She gives God the glory! Here's my point, it was through the doctors hands that she was healed of cancer!

We had an issue with Jaron last month and we were told he had hypothyroidism. We called upon the elders of our church anointed him with oil according to what the Bible says and had the church pray for him. This week Jaron went back for testing and God healed him! We have evidence! God healed Jaron and the tests showed no signs of problems! The doctor was completely shocked. He was sure that the test this week would confirm the diagnoses. He was wrong and God stepped in and proved He is still God! YAY!

So what ever you may be facing, no matter what storms come your way, no matter what dangers may have you completely surrounded, remember the baby bird that peeked his little head out of the pole. His home completely surrounded by danger and yet was safe. Find safety, certainty and solace in love of God.

What I have learned...

Today ends the 30 day fast that we started on April 1st. We challenged our church to a 30 day fast. We challenged them to hunger and thirst for more of God, to press in when things got tough and to pray harder than they have ever prayed. To dive into the Word of God and truly seek more of Him.

Sean and I chose the Daniel Fast. We could have gotten very strict but we didn't. We gave up snacking, caffeine (me), meat and diary. The most dairy we had was cheese on veggie sandwiches. We allowed ourselves whole wheat bread occasionally. Was it easy..NO! Was it worth it...most definitely! I have craved chocolate and meat. Yes you can crave meat! Would I do it again, most definitely!

There are so many things that I have learned over the last 30 days. Or should I say God allowed me to see. I was fasting for more of God in my life, that He would drawn me nearer and shed light on things I need to work on and let go, for healing of my knees and my health, for direction and open doors for Kristofer's evaluations for autism and for a mighty move of the Holy Spirit in our church. This is what I can see happened this month through our fast; we now have the direction and open doors for Kristofer, YEA!!! We are starting to see the Holy Spirit moving more in our church services...YEA!!!

The biggest thing I have seen these past 30 days is what the Lord is doing in me. You see, I have always been a controlling type of person. Not in controlling of others but in situations. I do not like change, unless I know the outcome, unless I can control the outcome. I have a fear of the unknown. Now don't get me wrong I completely trust the Lord but the fear of the unknown always stops me from doing certain things. Such as seeking the autism eval. for Kristofer. But also in health matters for myself. I guess the Lord has been working on me for about 9 months now on that one.

Case in point, my left knee. I injured in twisting and falling down some stairs at home in Florida about 3 years ago. I put off going to the doctor and when I did I didn't follow the directions to seek counsel from an Orthopedic Surgeon. Now to be honest money and no insurance play a part in that but had I followed the docs orders I would not be where I am today. I got the results of the MRI on my left knee...complex meniscus tear in two places as well as a popliteal cyst and other problems. I could have had it fixed and not been in pain for the last 3 almost 4 years but the fear of the unknown and no insurance stopped me from pursuing medical attention. Now I am facing surgery to fix this and hoping that the damage is not extensive...we shall find out on the 8th.

In the last 30 days the Lord has shown me there are some things I need to let go of from the past (of which I will not discuss here). But also that I have got to face the unknown and tackle the health issues that I have. So I am going for a physical in the morning. I have not had a true physical in well probably since I was a child. Oh I went to the doctor when I was pregnant with all of our kids and have been going to the doctor for my knee but I have not gone for a true physical and had the blood work that I need to have. Am I worried, yes you betcha. But am I ready to face what ever surfaces and get healthy...yes! So tomorrow I face the unknown and face it ready and armed. "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "Plans to prosper you and not harm you plans to give you a future and hope." I am standing on that promise tonight. I am believing that God has ordained this time and place for me to face the unknown, face my fears and deal with what ever surfaces with His strength.

I have learned more than just this but for now this is what I will share. Oh and for those that care...I have let go of 16 lbs since Jan 1. YEA! This is exciting considering up until March 18th I was not allowed to do any exercise and have two bum knees! Thank you God for helping me face my fears and for helping me to let go of the weight of many things!

Made "New Again"

Today is Good Friday. I am so thankful for what my Jesus did for me so long ago. He touches my heart everyday and gently guides me when I have decisions to make. The biggest decision I have ever made was accepting Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. NO my life has not been all happy and a garden of roses. Remember every rose as thorns! I challenge you to just try God! He will radically change your life if you truly seek Him and follow His teachings in the Bible. I can't promise that everything will be pleasant and cheery but I can tell you if you place your trust in Jesus that you will have peace that passes all understanding through the toughest times. I have and I know this from experience. Today I plan to just go spend time at the alter, pray, sing some praise songs and then sit and wait on the Lord. Later this evening we are having family communion for the church, we look forward to serving communion to the members of our church and praying with for them. Take time to think about what to day means!