Manage Your Time

So as you all know, at least those that read my blog consistently, that this year we are home schooling all of our children. What an undertaking this has been.  Being able to manage my time and balance it between school stuff, home life and personal time, I have been a bit overwhelmed.  Honestly I still am but I have found a great little book that has helped me greatly!
  What is that book you ask?  Let me share it with you!  "JUGGLE (Manage Your Time, Change Your Life!)" by Deanna Shrodes. This book written for Kindle has helped me greatly the last few weeks.  It is now available to purchase just follow this link: Juggle. 
  I absolutely love this book!  I have read many time management books over the years that left me feeling like a failure and would never achieve my goals. Some time management books have been so long that I never finished them but not with this book.  Juggle reads so easily and has real life situations as examples.   I immediately started using the steps that Deanna has to help you with your time management.  It has helped me greatly in my daily and weekly plans and goals.  Whether you have long term goals or short term this book will help you set priorities and give you steps to reach those goals.  Being a busy home schooling mother of 4 active children, time management has felt beyond my reach. These easy steps that Deanna shares in her book have given me hope. What a Godsend to me!  Seriously, no matter what your goals are, how crazy your life is, "Juggle" can help! 
   Deanna is a gifted writer, speaker, Pastor and wonderful friend. If you want to learn more about her go here.  I found her via a dear friend of mine, Michele, and have been following her blog ever since.  I had the privilege of meeting Deanna a few years ago and since then have had a great friendship, although long distance, a very cherished one. Deanna is always looking out for others doing her best to encourage others.  Check it out I promise you won't be disappointed.

Vacation

Jaron and Izzy settled in for a long journey home to Florida!

Izzy is such an addict to playing fetch and having her ball that she

wanted to play fetch in the van!

Well I am finally able to post. It has been very a very busy few weeks. In fact last week our family was FINALLY able to go on a week long vacation. Through the help of friends and family we were able to head south and bask in the warm Florida sunshine. My kids who all were born in Florida and were very close to their cousins there had not been home to Florida since my sister was married 2 and a half years ago. It may not seem like a long time to you but in that time period my kids have grown and their minds have expanded and forgotten their cousins faces.

We went Sunday and the kids ate lunch with their cousins at my sister's house.

It wasn't planned that they would eat with them but Jen was so kind as to feed

mine as well :)! Cherished memories they will have sitting around that table

laughing and eating mac-n-cheese.

Kamiya, who is now three and Sara had a great time playing together!

The last time we saw Kamiya she was a baby! She was born just weeks

after we moved here to IL 3 years ago.

Unfortunately we have not been as close to Sean's family. Not that we haven't wanted to be, it's just the miles that have separated us are way too many. When you live on a shoe string budget you drive to your destination and not fly. So driving 15 hours south is much faster than driving 24 hours. My parents are blessed to continue to live in the home I grew up in, a large 5 bedroom home. So they always have room for us to come and camp out in one or two of the rooms. Which is such a blessing to us, to not have to pay for a hotel! On our budget camping out on air mattresses is so much cheaper than sleeping in a hotel! That will change soon though, my parents plan to sell the house and move into something smaller, which will be a sad day for our family but a much needed one for my parents. Aiden, Eli and Kristofer best little buddies when they

were younger...they had so much fun playing together this week!!!

So last week we spent the whole time being with my family and spending time with our friends. There were many highlights to the week. One of the best for me was getting to spend the day with my sister Jeanette, my mom and Sara. We took a day to do girl things. i am not sure who had more fun; Sara or my Mom! We went and had pedicures...Sara loved it!! : ) Training her right as my sister would say! Then we went shopping for earrings. Yep my baby girl got her ears pierced, YAY! Her Aunt Nennie (Jeanette) did it for her the day before. Then we went to lunch at Panera! I love Panera!!!

Another highlight of the trip was a planned trip to Tampa to visit my dear friend Michele from An Adoptive Family's Life. Michele and I have been friends since high school but in the past 3 years we have grown closer and have seen each other through some tough times. Sure we may not be in the same state but we talk all the time on Facebook and we pray and fast for each other all the time. But not only did we get to spend time with Michele but also a dear friend of mine who I met through Michele. I have talked about and sent you, my readers, many times to her site...Pastor Deanna Shrodes. I can't tell you how much Sean and I enjoyed spending time with Michele & Marcus (her son), Deanna, and her husband Larry and their daughter Savannah. Our kids chose to spend more time with their Grandparents and who could blame them! We both were so blessed to just sit and talk with them. Larry poured into us in a great way and we are so blessed to have been able to worship at their church later that night! The time spent with them was so short but so cherished!Earlier that week we went and spent time with some other cherished friends, Troy and Ellen French. They were on staff with us at Venice Assembly of God and had been the youth pastors. Our boys, Kristofer and Garrett are the same ages. We love spending time with them! Ellen made sugar cookies and the kids had a ball decorating the cookies.In fact Sara had such a grand time decorating that we had to take a picture of this creation. We call it "Find the Cookies" : )

One of my favorite places in Venice Florida is the South Jetty. The kids really enjoyed being ale to climb on the rocks and Eli spotted a dolphin swimming near the rocks as well. It was beautiful. Was coming out of the water from nose to tail. The kids really loved that. Earlier that week my parents took them to the beach where they were able to find all kinds of shells and sea urchins and even some coral. I have the job of bleaching them now...they stink (coral and sea urchins) but the memories they now have are priceless!

A variety of things ...

Ok so again I have been super busy and to be quite honest just not in the mood to write. Sorta been over whelmed with activities, family things and just stuff with the kids. But I wanted to post this link



And give you all some great links to Pastor Deanna Shrodes site. She is continuing the "Just Say It" Series and I want you to read it. I meant to post what she had written last week but never got around to it. So instead I am going to give you links to each topic. Make sure you check them out, there is so great stuff there!

Just Say It Series :

Honoring Your Pastor
Before and After Church Bombardment
How to Help Your Pastor when they are Bombarded
People will be held Accountable for How They Treat the Pastor's Children

Deanna is continuing the series so keep checking her blog. I will try to keep links to them coming your way. For now I have a house that is screaming in pain because it needs to be cleaned! So I am off of her for now.

Just Say It Series - "Are You A Trash Can?"

Pastor Deanna Shrodes has hit the nail on the head today! WOW! I hope you "hear" what she is saying today. I am dealing with the "trash talk" this week! Let me say this right now just to get it off my chest...I AM NOT PERFECT! Let me say that again, "I AM NOT PERFECT!" Wow imagine that, the Pastor's wife is not perfect! Hmmm now I feel a little better. I was told a few hurtful things this week that someone has said about me, I wish this person had stopped the conversation but instead she gave a 'listening ear" and then shared it with me. How is that supporting your pastors I don't know! But this is another blog for another time. Just read what PD has to say about this! Pastor Deanna I love your honesty and openness!

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"Are You a Trash Can?"

If you listen to people talk about your pastor in a negative fashion, you are not special.

Please realize this. Even if you don't respond to the trash talk and you are just "giving a listening ear", you are not being trusted with the information because you are respected, or revered. The truth is, the person gossiping about your pastor admires you as much as they do a trash can.

Sometimes people in the church will come to the pastor and say, "You know Pastor, Sally said some things to me the other day that were on her heart about you and about the church, and she trusted me with her feelings on all of this. She feels comfortable in sharing with me out of concern and asked me to pray about it, because I've been here at the church for a while, and well, she trusts me. I just feel that it would be a good idea for me to tell you all of her complaints and see if you can change things so she'll be happy."

The truth is, Sally doesn't look to you as a trusted leader -- she looks to you as a trash receptacle. If I go to Busch Gardens and eat cotton candy and drink a soda and then take my trash to a stranger in the park and say, "excuse me, can I ask you to hold this for me?" does that mean I trust or respect them? No, it takes absolutely no trust in someone to hand them your rubbish. You don't even have to really know them. All you need to have is a person willing to stand there and take it. It takes no brains or wisdom to be a trash can. All you have to do is stand there.

Please, please, please realize that by listening to all of these complaints you are NOT bringing yourself to any level of greater esteem in the congregation, you are just showing your pastor your true colors. When you dump a bunch of this on your pastor, they aren't appreciative of it -- they have huge red flags about you. But most likely they aren't going to look at you and say, "Jenny, I've got your number..." (Hey, that could be a song...) But let me tell you, they DO have your number. When you keep regurgitating other people's junk back to your pastor they start to be extremely careful around you. Most of them wish they could tell you, they really do. But most likely they are not up for another power struggle, and they are way too exhausted. So let me let you in on this secret.

When anyone comes to me all the time with negative information that people in the church are saying, it doesn't signal to me that they are smart or respected or "in the know"...it signals to me that they have a problem. It signals to me that if they are not in leadership I should probably never put them there barring a complete transformation of the Holy Ghost. When someone constantly spits out bad things that others are saying about me or my husband, I realize they must be giving off vibes or even outright statements to others in the church that they can come to them and talk about us. What about them makes others so comfortable to pour out their trash to them? A trash can usually has a sign on it that signals to passersby that it is indeed a waste can. Many times it will just say, "WASTE" or TRASH". Are you wearing such a sign spiritually? Does everyone in your church know that they can come to you anytime and throw in their verbal trash?

Your pastor is not just anyone -- they are God's gift to the church! Before you think I'm just puffed up in the head or making up stuff please go read your Bibles. Turn to Ephesians 4:11. It says right there plain as day that the pastor is a gift to God's church. Some of you have treated your pastor as anything but a gift and in fact others of you have returned the gift back to where it came from. Some of you reading this have been part of a forced resignation at some point, I guarantee it. For shame. Please do not think you are trusted, special or esteemed in any way among men because you have chosen to listen to rubbish about the gift of God. Some of you don't verbally say it but you read emails or facebook comments that people write about your leaders. You may not post about it and chime in, but neither do you correct it. Edmund Burke once said, "All that is necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing." What do you do when people trash talk your pastor in person, on the phone, or on facebook? I'll tell you what you should do -- boldly confront the person and demand that they stop. Tell them that you will not just sit there and let them continue this evil unchallenged. I talked to a pastor and his precious wife the other day that deleted their facebooks because some former members were trashing them. I am telling you as sure as I'm standing here that if you are doing this and keep up the behavior you will split hell wide open some day.

I generally know who my closest supporters and loyal friends are in the church. They are those who tell me that no one ever dares tell them anything negative about me or my family. They would be too scared of the reaction from those who love me dearly, as well they should be. I'm telling you, when it comes to my dearest friends, no one in the world can tell me a bad thing about them. Not a thing. My hand would be up in two seconds flat silencing them and saying, "Whoa, whoa, whoa...hold on there...you're talking about one of my dearest friends and I simply can't stand here and listen to you say these things..." The last thing I would do is listen for even a minute to anyone run down a friend of mine. I refuse to be anyone's waste basket. I'm not a trash can, I'm a daughter of God. As a daughter of God, I'm not a trash receptacle for junk -- on the contrary, I'm a pure vessel set apart for Him. I don't want any junk going in, or coming out.

Again some of you reading this probably wonder what my church people think who are reading this. The answer to that is, they've heard it all before straight from the pulpit, and this is pretty mild in comparison to many things I've said to our church along these lines. Many pastors will not be bold enough to tell you that if you listen to this stuff you are not special and in fact you are greatly deceived and in fact headed for destruction if you don't stop. But I have the nerve. So if you are trash talking your pastor or their spouse or kids, consider yourself informed and accountable for what you've just heard.

* I'll pick up this blog series this coming Monday-Thursday, and will be posting some other things Saturday and Sunday.

Just Say It Series

I was planning to post every part of the series that Deanna is doing about what Pastors want to say and think but I have decided I am just going to post links to it. I may post the entire blog a few times like I did yesterday but if you are really interested in what she has to say as I am go check her out over here.

"Just Say It!!!" ~ Guest Speaker, Deanna Shrodes

Ok here goes - My dear friend Deanna Shrodes is starting a new series and it's great! I wanted to share it with you and so each posting on this series she will be doing I will be posting on my blog. She is a wonderful minister and friend. I hope you enjoy, are challenged and that your eyes are open and have ears to hear on this subject!

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"Just Say It!!"

Writing a series of posts on this topic has been on my heart for a while but I was just pushed over the proverbial edge last week to do something about it, so here goes. Recently we ministered at a wonderful church and the service went great and afterwards the pastors said to us, "Thank you so much for coming in and saying what we can't say." I hear that all the time when I preach at places. I hear it from America, to Africa, from small towns to large ones. Now, let me say I totally understand. This is how I lived for all of our years in ministry until we came to Florida. And I don't look down on people nor blame them for feeling that way or running the church that way. Pastors who wait for a guest speaker to come in and say what they evidently can't say are in abundance and are also in a very tough situation. Let me tell you, church people have NO IDEA what pastors go through. Did you know a survey was done of the most stressful jobs in America and pastor came in at #2. [The number one spot went to dentists. Evidently a lot of them even commit suicide or have breakdowns. The reason given was because most people hate going to the dentist and so they are used to people dreading coming to see them. Also, they are doing tedious work in a small space - people's mouths - all day long.] Over the coming weeks, I am going to do some posts about what your pastor wishes they could just bring out in the open and tell you, but some fear to. I want to share with you the ins and outs of what makes some of them very stressed out and what you can do to help them. In our previous pastorate, we would go through difficult situations of various kinds, just as all pastors do. A few times a year we would have a guest speaker and although we wouldn't tell them the problems beforehand or ask them to address certain things, Larry and I would pray out hearts out that the visiting minister would come in and "say what we couldn't say." (Translation: say what we would say if we didn't have the threat of World War III breaking out in the church, or being forced to resign because we simply laid the issues honestly on the table.) I remember at a previous pastorate how we prayed and fasted for a season, believing for God to speak to a guest evangelist to deal with some things that were current problems in the church. One lady had been giving us serious issues for some time. There were even times she would inappropriately interrupt the service. One time she had the gall to approach the pulpit when my husband was ministering and said, "The Lord has told me to take this service in a different direction." Of course he didn't put up with that and told her to sit down. She did but she would push the envelope constantly and it was so draining to deal with. We prayed that the evangelist would get a Word from God and deal with this lady. Lo and behold he called her out right there in the service and dealt with her! He gave her a word of knowledge and said, "you are out from under the authority of the pastors and have a critical spirit and need to submit to the pastors and he leadership of this church." We hadn't told the evangelist anything. This was a total God thing. And, the service where this happened the lady said NOTHING to show her true colors-- she was just quietly sitting in her seat. When all this was happening I was playing the keyboard in the background as he ministered and it was everything I could do to not show emotions as all this happened. I kept a poker face, and just stood there and played when the evangelist corrected her but afterwards when we went home, I jumped up and down and was leaping and praising God. So, why didn't I just deal with her? We were in a political hornet's nest. We feared for our ministry, our family, our livelihood. It's the place where way too many pastors find themselves. So, when I moved to Florida I said, "never again." I am NOT going go all year long with unaddressed situations, afraid to say it like it is, just praying that a guest comes in and "says something I can't." I thought, "I'll say it like it is plain and simple, and if they don't like it, I'll resign and go be a greeter at Walmart and hand out smiley stickers." Seriously. I am NOT kidding. And that's how I've lived for the last 7+ years! Occasionally we have speakers come in who will say things in our church here like, "Now, I'm telling you folks this...your pastor would probably like to tell you this but he/she can't do that..." and our people look puzzled as if to say, "what are you talking about? There's really not much if anything that our pastors would not dare to say." I do realize that many pastors are understandably afraid.. They aren't ready to pack their U-Haul and start passing out the smiley stickers and go on government assistance and then explain to their kids that they have no money for school clothes or supplies simply because Daddy or Mommy had to speak the truth about something in church. I get it...really I do. But I'm not afraid anymore and haven't been for a long time. So here's what's up. I'm writing a series of posts coming up..."what your pastor wants to say but can't." This is going to be so fun. Because a lot of people who are church folks across the nation and beyond read this blog and hopefully it will open some eyes as to what your pastor really thinks but might not ever dare to tell you. For those who wonder what my church people are going to think reading these posts, not to worry...they've heard all this already -- and more. And, they seem to want to keep me around for a really long time despite it. Or maybe even because of it...

Guest Blogger:Deanna Shrodes

Today my dear friend and sista in Christ, Pastor Deanna Shrodes wrote a post on her blog, "Lifetime Intimate Portrait" titled,"You Raise Your Kids and Let Me Raise Mine..." It struck a cord with me in a mighty way. I have had many occasion where a stranger, acquaintance or even family has told me what I was doing wrong or needed to do differently as a parent with each of my kids...specially with my special little guy Kristofer, who is autistic. Well Pastor Deanna said everything I have wanted to say in a way that to the point! So sit back and enjoy this post!


You raise your kids and let me raise mine...

Recently I've experienced something I want to talk about here on the blog and just say it like it is and be done with it. I'm sick of people trying to insinuate how others should raise their kids. I'm not exactly new at this. I've raised one son to 19 years old who is a wonderful young man of God. No, he's not perfect but in my eyes he's darn close. :-) My point is, my children are not going to hell in a handbasket and I didn't start parenting yesterday. I'm not perfect by any stretch, but on the other hand I am not clueless. One thing that I reallllllly hate are holier than thou condescending attitudes when it comes to parenting. The spirit of slap wants to come upon me many times, I must confess.

I'll say first and foremost this isn't happening with anyone (that I know of!) in our church so it's one reason I'm just openly speaking my mind on this. If it were someone in our church Larry would have asked me to have some restraint. Who knows he might ask me to have some restraint after he reads this anyway? But lately I've had a few people question my choices as a parent and I have to admit it made me just a lih-tle uncomfortable!

Have you ever had someone condescendingly ask you why you are letting your kids watch certain TV shows or movies?Do you have others ask why you are feeding them certain foods without a lot of rules/restraint? (i.e., cookies, pizza, etc.)Are there those who ask why you are allowing them to have certain drinks without a lot of limits? (i.e. coffee, soda)Do people question why you are allowing them to participate in certain activities? (school prom, trick or treating, etc.) How about people asking why you allow them to have a cell phone, or to date?

I do not mind it when someone honestly asks my advice on a matter. It's fine to ask about our household policies or what I have personally found as wisdom for my particular children or family. But I don't believe we are cookie cutters -- I think what works for my child may not work for yours. God speaks to us personally about finding the key to our child's heart and raising each one. In the same way, what is acceptable for my family may not be acceptable for others, and that is fine. For instance, your son may have a very bad reaction to koolaid or soda...mine may not. So don't judge me if I allow mine to have it and I won't judge you that you don't allow yours to have it. Let's parent as the Lord leads us to and not make announcements or judgments about how we do it.

In the last month a few people have criticized me about what I allow my children to do, or what I do with them. There's a lady who works with my eldest son at the movie theater who is a member of another AG church. The other night she saw me come into the movie theater with my daughter. I was excited to come back from Africa and take her on a mom/daughter outing. This woman (who works in the concession stand there) told Dustin that she saw us come in and go to the movie and she felt it was very inappropriate that I was taking my daughter to this PG movie. She made a big deal about it and basically told Dustin she felt it was a sin what we were doing.

I know some Christians still don't believe in going to the movies. Well, I am not one of them. I am not going to criticize somebody else because they don't go, but please keep your comments to yourself that I do. I was raised in an atmosphere where we were never allowed to go to the movies and trust me, it did absolutely nothing for us as far as keeping us from sin. We were no more holy because we didn't go to theaters. In fact many of the kids I grew up with in the church ARE going to hell in a handbasket. It's unfortunate and actually tragic. What drove them away to this horrible backslidden state many are in? Maybe it was all these silly rules that were nothing but a bunch of legalism. I believe it's these sort of attitudes (being told that if Jesus came back while we were in a movie theater he wouldn't be able to find us...HOW STUPID!) that pushed people further away from God and the church than closer to them. I came to realize that Jesus can find us whether we are in a movie theatre, wearing pants or makeup, or drinking a cup of coffee. If somebody's Jesus isn't enough to find them through all that, they aren't serving the same powerful Jesus I am.All I can say to that is, I hope that lady definitely decides to stay in her other AG church, thank you very much! It really was none of her business, quite truthfully, what I was taking my daughter to see.

Two other people asked me about things of the same nature recently, with a very condescending attitude.Make no mistake, Jesus is coming back! He will find me no matter where I am because I am His child. He will take me to heaven whether I am in church, in a movie theater, or cooking supper. If He holds off a little longer on coming back, I really cannot wait to see what some people's kids turn out to be like. Will all this super protection and forsaking of soda and movies with any kind of "worldly" theme (in some people's eyes) produce perfect children? In my experience, people with very rigid rules for the sake of rules tend to produce kids who are kind of unbalanced later in life and can sometimes really go bonkers. In fact, it's interesting Dustin just told me today that the son of the lady he works with absolutely hates her. And he said, "you know Mom, I think if she were my Mom I would struggle with that too." Interesting. One thing I have always heard is, "rules without relationship lead to rebellion." I also believe rules without a sensible reason lead to rebellion.

When I was a child, I loved coffee and sometimes at church fellowships I would try to sneak a cup. The adults never let us kids drink it because they said it would "stunt our growth." Coffee drinking by kids was strictly forbidden, like it was whiskey or something. I now know that's a load of bunk. Savanna has been drinking coffee with me for YEARS. In fact her Grandpa Shrodes got her started on it when she was just a baby. If you have ever seen my daughter in person you know she is tall. She has been the tallest child in her class every year and no one can ever believe she's is as young as she is when I tell them. So much for stunted growth. No, she does not drink coffee all the time, usually just here and there on special occasions, but we do not make a big deal of it because I believe there is no reason to.

My philosophy as a parent is that when I can say yes, I do -- because we do have to say no to enough things -- why not say yes to things when we can?As far as my eldest "child" - he is now the age his father was when we got married. He is a young adult - not a child anymore. He chooses his diet and his movies himself and I trust him to do so. My middle son is not far behind...he'll be 18 in three more months. And Savanna...well, she's eleven and I'm just sayin' to all the condescenders out there...you raise your kids, let me raise mine. Do me a favor and don't ask me with that snooty attitude why we are going to a certain movie or buying our 11 year old a latte.

If my kids are going to hate me, I want it to be because I said no to things that really mattered. I refuse to make a mountain out of a molehill with my kids and make an issue out of things that are small in light of eternity.

I think people have too much time on their hands. I have way too much to do to worry about what other people are feeding their kids or what movies they let them watch. My own household is all I can handle and it keeps me busy enough.

Deanna Shrodes

Me Again-Deanna you are such a great friend. Thank you for being so candid and honest!